YELP Review on Sandman: 1 Star from Sleepless Jim

Okay, I get that we all go a little bit crazy when bad shit happens to us. Believe me, I get it. But when it starts affecting your business and your customers, you better shape up.

I don't CARE if Beachman divorced you. I mean, I guess I'm sorry or whatever that he hooked up with Palmtreeman, but that ain't my problem.

Ever since you went batshit, Sandy, you decided to give everyone NIGHTMARES. Thanks to YOU, my little Timmy can't get images of David Bowie's crotch bulge chasing him all because he dreams about it EVERY NIGHT.

Not to mention how I keep having dreams about spiders, clowns, my ex-wife, ghosts, the inevitable heat death of the universe, monsters, penguins, my drunk uncle Kevin, haunted houses, dolls, Donald Trump, psycho killers, and airplane peanuts.

It's been a LITERAL NIGHTMARE!!!

Sorry Sandy, I will now go to Dreamy McDreamface Incorporated for my services.

PS: I don't blame Beachman for dumping you. Who'd wanna keep you around with THAT haircut?

PSS: Enter Sandman by Metallica is no longer my favorite song.