To my 16 year old brother
You have a million reasons for me
Reasons for me to stay
Reasons for me to have faith in you
Reasons for me to forgive even when you chewed and spit me out like I’m a piece of Trident gum
Reasons for me to hear you say “I’m sorry”
Reasons for me to adapt to your drunken-like anger
Reasons for me to put up with your idea of assaulting me even though I’m your sister
Guess what? I can't really forgive you
The fights against me at home
The attempted assaults against me at home
The somewhat verbal abuse against me at home
The disrespect against me at home
I may be 17 but even I can be scarred by people like you
You never knew that you’re a bully
Behind your happiness lies a cruel, angry, demeaning, brutally malicious persona that intends to make me go into submission for defending a 8 year old that you had insulted because to be honest, that 8 year old has a bright future with a mind eager enough to get a education
Your attitude is worse than a high school jock
Beg and cry all you like but the bridge has been burnt to ashes
Let me ask you: Did you really want to hurt me?
If you didn’t want to, you would’ve been considerate of my feelings
Guess what? I’m drowning my symbolism of you and finding my own way
We may still share our smiles, laugh, talk, converse with one another just because you and I are in the same family but I won’t feel the same again after what you did on April 20
In other words-you have bruised and scarred me for life
I understand if people might think of me being unjustifiable for not forgiving you and moving on but the pain is too much
Everyday I wake up depressed and deprived of the lack of respect from you and it’s stayed with me since April 20-the day I was maliciously berated by you
To my 16 year old brother-don’t let my smile or happiness fool you because inside of me is a depressed, fatally broken yet bruised version of me that you caused after you destroyed my purpose of being happy at 17 years old because all you ever did on April 20 was made me even sadder with my life