Everyday Thoughts

Sometimes I wonder why I can't be pretty like all the other girls. Why I'm so fat and ugly. Why my hair is not pretty. I wonder why guys use me just so they can take advantage of me. Why they say "I love you" then disappear. Why I'll never be good enough for them. I wonder why I can never be happy. I wonder why I'm still living. It hurts you know my heart hurts. No one understands they say I'm too "young" that its all an illusion that I just want to be like those couples I see but they're wrong . I just want to be loved, I just want somebody to make me feel worth it. To make me feel beautiful because I can't do this on my own. It's embarrassing because I don't really know how it feels to be loved because I'm always being played with. I just want someone to love me for who I am to help me with my insecurities. I've been fake smiling for to long and I feel like I'm going to breakdown like I did 2 weeks ago. I felt so alone like no one could help me. I felt my heart shatter because no matter how much I tried to fix it- it ends up broken again. Like this pain isn't going away its ripping me to pieces second by second,minute by minute, day by day and I went back to cutting again. Last night I held a bottle of aspirin and tried to end it all but I couldn't I had the pills in my hand but I couldn't take the next step. The step that would set me free from this misery. This misery of lies, betrayal and heart break some one save me because I'm drowning and my lungs are giving out. Please someone save me from myself please....