Back To You (Emma & Luke Part III)

When she first got in her car after leaving Luke's she was furious. How could he dismiss me so easily? His words I'm madly in love with you, followed by, I refuse to build a life I have to share with another man haunted her. They fueled the fire raging in her belly. If he truly loved her, he would share her -- at least until she could figure out what to do. Until she could make sense of the mangled, screwed-up state her heart was currently in. Didn't he understand that she needed him? It was no longer a simple matter of want, her body craved him and her heart was torn.

The more she drove, the more she fumed. The more she fumed, the more she thought. It took almost running a red light for her heart to finally catch up to her brain. Guilt overcame her as the tears spilled onto her cheeks. Luke was right. She needed to fix this. Needed to try to make her marriage work. The fire raging in her belly now burned with a purpose. If she had to give up the one person in her life who made her feel like she mattered, then she was going to do what Luke asked. She was going to make Brad see her. Despite the fact that her legs felt like jello, she was going to march through her front door and demand he listen to her. There would be no more subtle attempts to try to get his attention.

She was so anxious to get inside she pulled into the driveway, put her car in park, and hopped out…forgoing the garage. It's funny how small, insignificant choices can turn out to be huge, life-altering ones. Her car purred like a kitten, practically undetectable if you happened to be inside the house. The garage door, on the other hand, was not. It was in desperate need of repair and the sound of it opening was clearly detectable whether you were inside or outside. Had she taken the time to open it, this day would have turned out differently. Instead, she quietly slipped into the house. Her tiny frame made no noise as she walked up the stairs. As she was nearing the top, voices echoed down the hall, slapping her in the face. The sound piercing her heart. Voices? Brad was not alone.

Her first impulse was to barge in and cause a scene like she'd seen one too many times on the silver screen. Instead, her feet froze. She didn't want to be the stereotypical jealous wife. One, because she had no right to be -- she was just as guilty as he was. And two, because she was way too curious about the conversation that was happening inside her bedroom. Eavesdropping, while torture, might give her some much-needed perspective. She put her ear to the door, held her breath, and strained to listen. Whatever feelings she had left for the man she married evaporated at his words, "This has been the best year of my life." A year? He's been cheating on me for a year? Once again, tears spilled down her cheeks. The part of her heart that still belonged to Brad hardened when a soft, female voice said, "It would have been an even better year if it were just you and me." She talked to him in that pathetic baby voice that some women still thought was sexy. Please. "When are you going to leave her, baby? You always say how much you can't stand the sight of her. How pathetic her attempts for your attention are. Were you lying when you said those things about her? What are you waiting for?"

Bile rose in Emma's stomach, her hands clenched into fists at her side. Still, she didn't move. She was waiting for his response. She cringed when he laughed. A low, soft rumble that she hadn't heard in so long. She closed her eyes. She could picture him tapping the tip of the bimbo's nose with his pointer finger. The words he spoke next crushed the now-hardened part of her heart into dust.

"I would never lie to you. She is pathetic and annoying, but it's not that simple. I love you, sweet cheeks, but I still can't work yet and you lost your job. How would we live? I need a few more months of physical therapy and time to figure out what I'm going to do for work. I'll never be able to do what I was doing. Plus, it's going to take time to save enough money to get out of here without her realizing money is missing. Then we can be together."

Pathetic? Annoying? Did I really just leave a man who thought the sun rose and set in my eyes for this? She mustered up the courage to move her feet. She placed her hand on the cold, hard doorknob and turned it, pushing the door open. "You won't have to wait nearly as long as you thought to be together," she managed to say, voice steady. She was greeted by two gasps and tangled bodies trying to wrestle apart and cover themselves. That mattress is so being burned.

"Shit! Emma! Ah, it's not what you think, baby."

"What I think is that sweet cheeks needs to get her ass out of my bed and let me talk to my husband," Emma said as she bent down and picked up the pile of rumpled clothes on the floor. She walked to the bathroom, turned on the shower, and then dumped the clothes in the tub. When they were good and soaked, she scooped them up and handed them to the now-trembling brunette standing in front of her husband. It was childish, yes, but she couldn't help herself.

"Was that necessary?" Brad asked, his voice grating Emma's very last nerve.

"Totally. Though, if you like, I could claw her eyes out instead. Would that be better, Brad? No? I didn't think so," she smirked then turned her attention to the brunette with the tiny waist, big boobs, and vacant eyes. Clearly there wasn't too much going on inside that head. "You need to take your clothes and get the hell out of my house before I do claw your eyes out."

"You can't be serious, Emma. She can't walk out of here in sopping wet clothes."

"She can put on the clothes, not put on the clothes. I really don't care. Either way, she needs to leave now," she said as she gave Ms. Big Boobs one last menacing look. Before Brad could utter another word, the woman, whose name she hoped she never knew, ran. At the sound of the front door slamming shut Emma walked over to the bedroom window. She watched as the woman, who was just screwing her husband, ran down the street buck-ass naked towards a car parked on the corner. She won't be showing her face around here ever again. She couldn't help the smile that covered her face. Amusement soon turned to guilt. She shook her head, trying to keep her tears at bay. It didn't work. Even though she derived immense pleasure from embarrassing his lover, she couldn't help but feel sorry for her. That could have easily been her, had Luke been married. She was a hypocrite and she knew it. That reality left a bitter taste in her mouth, but the words she was about to utter tasted even worse. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."

"Shit, Emma. You shouldn't be apologizing. I'm the one who cheated." She turned around to face him and caught him running his hands through his copper-red hair. She couldn't help but notice that he wasn't wearing his wedding band. She may have been a cheater, too, but she never took her wedding ring off. It was something she just couldn't bring herself to do….until now. The ring that once was weightless on her finger, now felt like lead as she slowly removed it. Never in her life had she felt this much pain and she wondered if it was easy for him to take his off every time he was with her. Even though she knew their marriage was over, it still hurt that he wasn't wearing the ring she gave him. And even though she was guilty of the same crime, it hurt like hell knowing he cheated first. He pushed her away and straight into the arms of another man. She wasn't playing the blame game, but if she were, he'd share an equal part of the guilt.

Brad's eyes grew wide as she handed him her ring. Tears were streaming down his face and they were as much a welcome sight as they were a confusing one. Wasn't he just planning how he was going to leave me for his mistress? Why is he crying?

"What are you doing? We can work this out, Emma."

"No, Brad, we can't. I can forgive the words I heard you speak to that…that woman, but I can't forget. You called me annoying and pathetic. I need a man who values me, who sees me."

"I can be that man again," he pleaded.

"No, you can't, because I've already found him," she answered cautiously, "and besides, you told her you loved her. I can't forget that either."

"Wait. What do you mean you already found him? You cheated on me?" he asked, affronted. Emma had to fight the urge to roll her eyes.

"Yes, I did. I met him two months ago at The Rusty Nail."

"Our Rusty Nail?"

"Brad, it hasn't been our place in a very long time and now I know why."

"What's his name? I swear if I ever see him I'm going to kill him!"

"Seriously, Brad? I just caught you in our bed with another woman. Not even ten minutes ago you were laughing with her about how pathetic and annoying I was. I can't believe you're pulling this macho caveman crap now. Where was this jealous man months ago when I was practically begging for his attention?"

Brad strode across the room until he was only inches away from her. He gripped her upper arms, rage filling his eyes. "Tell. Me. His. Name."

"It doesn't really matter, because he left me today. Told me that if I couldn't choose then I needed to give my marriage another try. He at least has a decent bone in his body, which is more than I can say for sweet cheeks," she said, wrestling her arms out of the grasp he had on her, "I need to know one thing..."

"Anything. I will tell you anything. Do anything if you can give me a second chance."

Two months ago she would have given anything to hear those words, but now they sounded forced. Like he was saying what he thought a man who just got caught in bed with another woman should say. She didn't believe the words came from his heart or that he meant them.

"Why did you do it, Brad? I mean, I know why I did it. You made me feel invisible. You pulled away after your accident and nothing I did or said seemed to matter anymore. Your coldness towards me pushed me into the arms of another man and I just need to know, why? What did I do?" Her tears broke the damn that she was trying so hard to hold up. Sobs racked her body. For the first time in over a year, Brad pulled her into his arms. She was surprised that it felt more like hugging a friend than it did a man she was supposed to be passionate about.

"I blamed you," he whispered, so softly she almost didn't hear it, "If you hadn't called and distracted me that day, I never would have been so careless. My career was ruined. I couldn’t support my wife. I felt like a failure and it was all your fault – at least that's how I felt at the time. When I met –"

"Don't. Please don’t say her name because I really don't want to know it."

"She made me feel whole for the first time in a long time. I was a man again, not some mooch living off his wife. I'm sorry for blaming you."

"Guess we both made a mess of this, huh?" she laughed, even though none of this was even remotely funny. One of her little quirks was laughing during uncomfortable moments. She tried to control it, but often failed. Her cheeks flushed with embarrasment.

"Yeah. Think we could fix it?" he asked, eyebrows raised. For a split second she almost considered it, but the look she saw deep in his eyes confirmed the path they must take.

He didn't love her anymore. At least not the way she needed him to. If they tried to work things out it would only be because he felt guilty for the way he treated her, not because he was still in love with her. Right then and there she realized that there was a difference. You could love someone but not be in love with them. She would always have a special place in her heart for Brad…he was her first love, after all, but she wasn't in love with him. The truth felt heavy in her stomach, like she swallowed a brick. It's never easy letting go of the past but they both needed to if they ever had a chance of being happy. She hoped that he would understand. She stepped out of his embrace and looked up into the green eyes she once thought she'd be looking into forever. They once held so much love and happiness, but now all she saw was hurt and weariness staring back at her.

"Tell me the truth. You really do love her, don't you?" she squeezed his hand, letting him know that whatever his answer was, it was okay. She understood.

"Yeah, I do. God help me, I do. I'm so sorry, Emma."

"It's okay. I love my guy, too. It's not something I planned, but it happened. For what it's worth, I'm sorry, too."

"What do we do now?"

"Sell the house. Split the profits. Part ways as friends?" She held her breath waiting for his response.

"You always were the logical one. Friends it is. You'll always be my first love. He better make you happy or he'll have to answer to me."

She laughed again.

"I don't know if happy is in the cards for me, but I hope the same for you, too. I'm going to pack a few things and spend the night at Jenna's. I'll call my attorney in the morning."

*****

"Explain to me again why you can't call him?" Jenna asked as she passed Emma a piping hot cup of Joe. She ignored the eye roll she got and took a sip from her own cup. She glared back at Emma with a come-on-I'm-waiting look that earned her yet another eye roll. Emma had been bunking with her since the day she found her husband in their bed with another woman. Her divorce was finalized three weeks ago and she had been pining away for Luke ever since. Jenna couldn't understand why she just wouldn't pick up the phone and call him.

"For the hundredth time, I just can't."

The sigh that followed her lame response was so pathetic that Jenna felt sorry for her, but she wouldn't be her best friend if she just let it go. "That's not a good enough answer. Tell me why you can't."

"Because," she answered and paused, placing her coffee cup in the sink. She braced her hands on the counter, keeping her back to her friend.

"Because why?" Jenna persisted.

"Because it wouldn't be fair to him."

"That doesn’t make any sense. Didn't he make you promise him that if Brad couldn't be the man you deserved, you'd go back to him?"

"Yes, but –"

"But what?" she questioned, her voice harsher than she intended.

"I'm embarrassed, okay? Are you happy now? I feel like a fool for walking out on him that day. I can't go crawling back with my tail between my legs. Luke deserves better than that. Better than me."

"Oh, honey. You have nothing to be embarrassed about and, trust me, there is no one better than you. So, don't be talking about my best friend like that."

Emma's back was still turned away from her friend. Her shoulders were gently bobbing up and down. Jenna put her hands on her friend's shoulders and turned her around. She grabbed a paper towel and wiped away the black tears running down her friend's beautiful face. "You know as well as I do that Luke loves you. He would take you back in a heartbeat with no judgement. Don't let your stubborn pride get in the way of your happiness. It would be incredibly stupid and my best friend just so happens to be the smartest woman I know." She pulled her into a hug. Emma held onto Jenna like she was a life jacket and she was about to drown. "I feel so lost," she whispered. "I know, sweetie, but I will help you find your way. It starts with you, me, and The Rusty Nail. Tonight is girl's night out."

Jenna could feel Emma's head shaking. "I don't think that's such a great idea. I can't."

"Oh, you can and you will. I'm not taking no for answer," Jenna fired back.

Emma acquiesced. The tone in her friend's voice told her there was no getting out of this. She wondered why her friend always insisted on bringing her back to the one place that held so many memories. First of Brad. Now of Luke. She didn't know how she was going to make herself even walk through the door. She was pretty certain that Jenna would have to push her to make that painful first step. But, maybe, just maybe, if she could get through tonight, it would be the first step in moving forward. She did have the rest of her life to get started -- a life she wanted to start with Luke. Let it go already. You made your decision, now have the courage to stick to it. Luke deserves at least that much from you. He deserves to be happy and find a woman worthy of his love.

Emma gave Jenna one last squeeze and pulled out of the hug. She straightened her back and wiped away the remnants of her tears. From this moment on there would be no more tears. She was done pining. She was going to take her life back…starting right now. "So, why don't we make a day of it? What do you say to makeovers, shopping, and lunch before our big night out?"

Jenna squealed with delight. "Now you're talking!"

*****

No matter how many changes her life managed to go through, she could always count on The Rusty Nail staying the same. It was a both a comfort to her heart and a scourge on her soul. The first step over the threshold was painful, but she expected it to be. All day she tried to convince herself this was just a girl's night out. I'm only doing this for Jenna was the mantra she repeated over and over in her mind. Her mantra failed her before she could even get to their table. Immediately she scanned the bar for signs of Luke. A mixture of anticipation and desperation clawed at her chest, making her heart practically skip a beat. She tried her best to appear cool, calm, and collected as she scanned the faces of the patrons, but she knew she was failing miserably by the look on Jenna's face -- worry and a little of bit of I-told-you-so played across her face. Before she could defend herself, Jenna grabbed her hand and headed for the dance floor.

Emma gave in and let the music take control. She didn't know how, but Jenna always seemed to know exactly what she needed, exactly when she needed it. She pushed all thoughts of Luke to the back of her mind and let her body move to the rhythm. The vibrations of feet stomping and hands clapping drowned out all her worry and angst. Her feet glided across the dance floor with ease. She was so lost in the music, she hadn't noticed that Jenna was no longer dancing next to her. She hadn't noticed that the line-dancing stopped and the "club-style" dancing began until she felt a strong, hard body come up behind her. She closed her eyes and inhaled the familiar scent that made her go weak in the knees. Strong hands gripped her hips and she could feel his body sway with hers in time to the music. She kept her eyes closed. Reveling. Hoping. Praying. She was afraid to turn around because she didn't want to be disappointed when she discovered the man behind her wasn't Luke. Practically every guy in here wore Stetson, so what were the chances it was him? But oh, God, how she wanted it to be him. It felt like him.

She sent up another silent prayer, her eyes still closed.

Her arms were raised above her head, swaying to the music. His left hand moved from her hip and trailed up her arm. He stopped when he reached her hand and just held it. Rubbing the empty space where her wedding band used to be. He leaned in real close and whispered into her ear, "You promised me." Those three little words and the familiar, deep southern drawl was all the courage she needed to open her eyes and turn around.

She turned to find that her prayer had been answered, but by the look on his face she couldn’t tell if she should be happy or scared.

"How long Emma?" Luke asked, his eyes burning with an anger she'd never seen before.

"Six weeks," she answered, unable to look him in the eyes.

She wasn't entirely sure what she expected him to do, but it definitely wasn't what he did -- which was turn around and walk away. He headed straight for the bar. She caught up with him in time to see him down a shot, then slam the glass on the bar. He did it with such force she was surprised it didn't break. He kept his back turned to her.

"Why, Emma?"

"We weren't in love with each other anymore."

"Not why did you leave your husband. I know why. I knew before you did, but I let you go so you could figure it out for yourself. I want to know why you broke your promise to me. When you left I asked you to come back to me if Brad couldn't be the man you needed…the man you deserved. You promised me you would. Did you think my words were just lip service?"

"No."

"Then, please, tell me why?"

"I was embarrassed. I made the wrong choice that day. My heart knew you were the one, but I was a coward. I didn't think you'd be able to forgive me. I thought you deserved better."

He sighed, running his calloused hands through his hair. Her breath caught in her throat, waiting for him to say something. Anything. But he remained silent. Time stood still. Very. Uncomfortably. Still. Not being able to take his silence any longer, she turned to leave. He reached out and grabbed her elbow, spinning her around so they were face to face. Only inches apart.

"Do me a favor? Stop thinking so much…it cost me six weeks of not being able to do this," he said before he leaned in and kissed her senseless. His strong hands cupped her face and then weaved their way through her hair to the back of her neck, pulling her flush against his body. Their kiss went on for an indeterminable amount of time and when he finally released her, they were both breathless.

"Luke, I'm so –"

"Shush, darlin. I know. No more talking," he interrupted her, sweeping her off her feet, "we have a lot of lost time to make up for."

She giggled as he carried her across the bar towards the exit, passing Jenna on the way. She waved and shrugged her shoulders. Jenna gave her a thumb's up. When they got to his truck, he reached into his pocket to retrieve his keys. He unlocked the passenger-side door and sat her on the seat. She grabbed his shirt and pulled him close, "Three more words?" she asked. He nodded and she continued, "I love you."

"Best. Three. Words. Ever," he answered, before stealing another kiss.

The End