2:37 am

the traffic light blinks. and

blinks.

and blinks.

clicking on

and off

through the blinds.

shining weakly on

my skin

between the sheets.

I can't sleep

again.

I haven't been able to

for a long time now.

even before you left.

I think they call it

"anticipatory grief."

in other words

I knew you would leave

before you even thought

about it.

that's probably why I

didn't cry.

honestly I think I already adjusted to

the depth I would feel

in my stomach

when you finally turned away.

I've actually been doing

okay.

I even went on a date

last night.

and I had fun.

well

kind of.

it's kind of hard to laugh at

other people's jokes

when I hear your smile

in my head.

but he was nice.

and I had a nice

time.

even if I had to

pretend

a little.

you know

I wish I had drank more wine.

maybe then I could go

to sleep.