Anger

The rage boils just below the surface. It festers and grows roots inside my body. I cannot control it, I cannot stop it. It won't let me. I try to cope and keep it hidden deep inside me, but one tiny thing can set it free. When I can't contain it anymore, it rips through my skin and tears away any goodness i have in me. The words cut like a knife. Things nobody should say to anyone. EVER. The feeling of hurting someone until they feel what I feel every second of everyday. It gives me energy inside I cannot find otherwise. Is it normal to want to strangle someone you love? Is it okay to feel like you want someone to be dead and gone? These are things that ruminate inside of me. There is more. So much more. I cannot say these things because I fear that I will be put away somewhere for people who feel like me. The anger is like a disease. It will plant it's seed inside you and you don't have to water it. It grows daily with having to live life, the many negative facets that help it to grow bigger and bigger. It is a comforting place sometimes to be. Like a familiar restaurant, a cozy bed, even like your childhood. Something causes it to take hold. I am not sure when it happened for me. I was young. I could not stop it from happening. In fact I welcomed it with open arms. Here is the thing about my rage.......

It makes me feel alive.

Without it I feel dead inside.

Empty

Hollow

Non-existent