the (better late than never) free admission confession, exhortations against Ole Saint Nick

treasured untold shenanigans of Santa,

his elves and reindeer discovered only

by colluding via "FAKE" fluke

did I manage to worm winning the trust

among Christmas elves and reindeer

confident this generic guy,

would never breach scandalous

tidbits, into an underground impregnable

air-raid shelter, the Motley Crue

tied blindfold over my eyes, didst steer

me hermetically sealed,

which crawl space required me to hunker

sound (cloud) proof bunker

while ensconced (security detail munchkins,

who just so happened tubby queer

minded entrance portal)

only after getting the thumb up signal,

whereat nose pies planted

espionage surveillance devices

the chief head honcho and attendants,

Smoky and the bandits respectively,

magically, and handily did appear

and despite one hundred percent bug-free,

a whispered stance opted just to make sure

no unwanted eavesdropper could overhear

plus every participant swore an oath, cuz

any leaked real or “FAKE” information,

would spell imminent demise to be near

the upshot, sans grave emergency

describing clandestine arraignment

involving some rogue elf

(most likely at least two),

and a misbehaving reindeer

(names withheld to avoid any spoiler alert),

plus this entire kit and caboodle

necessary to help Saint Nick

got wind, (and subsequently reined in)

a rave party with orgiastic

sex, drugs and rock and roll

that a band-aided elf(ves) hest

laced with Pepper Minstix

(anonymously hashtagged Sodom and Gomorrah)

sullied pure as the driven snow repute,

when aliasing Sugarplum Mary (“FAKE NAME”)

detected snorting cocaine

codenamed Alabaster Snowball,

while additionally besmirching her virginity

via coital cavorting amidst a Bushy Evergreen

shaking as if frenzied with feverish boogie woogie flu

which seductive, prurient,

and master baiter friend zeed

(spunky Gangnam style) Shinny Upatree

which could slay Wunorse Openslae reputation

as substance abusers,

and sex offenders if not worse.