it's times like this that the everlasting stretch of inability leaves me numb

i'm unable to speak

i'm unable to retain

i'm unable to have a stable connection

im unable to act

the only thing keeping me is the pre meditated solution that i turn to

I feel as though I could go on every day in this box

nobody would talk to me anyways if I was out of it

I can sit all day by mirrors and lose myself in the possibility that someone with the ability to live life and take on anything is looking back at me

The looming presence of my insecurities combined with the inability to muster up the confidence to ask where the bathroom is

I can't even walk into an empty study lounge

Yes.

it's empty but the fact that at any waking moment anyone can just come in

unannounced

and having to sit in that space that was once just an empty study lounge

now its a battle field between the likelihood of the other person interacting and my crippling inability not letting me feel anything other than fear

I feel better behind a closed door

because I don't have to include myself into anything but my own thought