Sa May-AKDA ng Aklat ng aking Buhay (To the Author of the book of my life)
My DEAREST Author,
Hi! How are you?
Really I don't know how to start this letter.
I am here in front of my laptop, probably YOU are wrting this scene in the book I am living in. There are hundreds of things I want to say to You, to ask You, and to ask of YOU.
You have given me emotions, feelings, family, way of thinking. I don't know if my thoughts are mine or You placed it inside my head.
The family You have given me is not perfect, though there is no one perfece except YOU. For You created everything.
This feeling towards him, the admiration, the anger, the shyness I am feeling I don't know if these are mine. If the thoughts I am thinking towards him, what would happen to it? If I am willing to let go, not of him but of my self would it be of my self or it would be you? If I have a freewill please help me to let this feeling go away. If he would not be a constant companion or thing in my life, AUTHOR please help me get rid of him.
I don't know what's your plan for me except to prosper me and give me hope, which is a line I've read from the books I am reading inside this book. Then please. Just please give me a sign or probably it is already written in the book.
The feelings I am feeling towards everyone, I wonder if they would stay as it is, if it does, I wonder when would it end, because I don't want to feel those anymore.
My attitude, I hate it. Please change me, my character, attitude, way of thinking, even the way I speak. Author, there are times when I hate my self. I don't know if it is just like this, but I want YOU to know I sometimes hate me! I hate that there are times I act rude when all I want to do is to be nice.
I have changed! I know You know it.
There are times when I look back on my past and then think of the things, and then I would just realize that I was not the me before. I hate me now. This is not who I was before. Before I was sensitive, full of emotions, of love, compassion and forgiveness. Then, I was full of energy, laughter and happiness, I always laugh before in simple little things, I appreciate every little thing, but now? Now I don't know who I am anymore.
As I grew up and as You continue to write my life, as you renew my thoughts, I realized that I lost the things, feelings, attitudes I have before. The bad thing, is those lost things were the good ones. There are times that I wish I have Hermione's time turner so I can travel back in time and change the things I hate, to repeat the things I wish I can, and to right my wrongs. But life, thought me to just move on. You thought me not to dwell in the past for YOU are doing new things.
I am thinking if I am just another character in the book You are writing, uhm when there are things I know that I'm gonna say then forget it suddenly, is it You who is backspacing my lines? haahahaha
Author, I don't know what is in store for me in this book called life that you are currently writing. I know that You know what I want, I pray that You would grant my prayers. I am afraid of tomorrow, but You taught me that there is nothing to be afraid of, for You are alredy in my tomorrow, and never as in never in my life have you forsken me. So whatever it is please be there in my tomorrow.
I don't know what to say anymore. Thank You author for my family, like I've said no-one is perfect but they are enough for me. For giving me the lifestyle I am living thank you I love it. Thank You author for giving me a family in this book who taught me to fear the Lord. For teaching them to fear Him too and for giving us the belief and faith of living with God after this.
For my personal opinions, thank you. For the feelings that hurts thank You for making me able to feel emotions. For my future I still don't know it please give me my own family, a husband who fears the Lord above all, a husband who would honor me and our marriage, a husband who would lead me to the Lord even more. A husband who would give me children to spoil. I know my book is already done or halfway there already, I hope I'll have a happy ever after. And my parents too.
I'll end this here, my Author, my Lord.
Your daughter, character, believer.