Reality.

Almost two days ago a kid jumped off of a building at school

I wasn't there to see it, but I am here now to witness the after affects.

Why did he do it, Why couldn't I have stopped it, Why like that?

I'm afraid to walk up the hill because I know that once I do I will break

My heart and Mind will explode with the overwhelming feelings of grief and reality.

I don't want to believe that its real

Its currently a constant mental battle with myself

He did it. It really happened.

But I don't want to see it that way, I keep thinking about how he might've felt in the end.

Did he change his mind?

If somehow I was in the same place at the same time could I have stopped it?

Though I am not at all observant would I have pieced together the events that would take place only moments later?

Would anything be different?

I had read it on the news earlier that day "Kid Falls from 5 story balcony..." at this time I convinced myself he really did. I told myself he'd be fine, death was not an outcome I had seen in this situation

Then I got the email,

It was as if my whole life fell apart, I couldn't understand couldn't grasps what was really happening I didn't want it to be true.

Why is reality so painful and why cant I just dream myself into a better place?