Additional Benefits

unwilling / adjective

not ready, eager, or prepared to do something

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If not for yourself then for others.

That’s what he said the last time I saw him. The words were surprising if you think about the way he was. Never a person who would give those kind of advice, or any advice for that matter. But things had changed, he knew it and so did I.

But eventually everything changes, no matter if we like it or not. That’s just life for you. All in all he knew me well, knew the way I behaved and what were the things that pushed me forward, things that kept me going. No matter how currently messed up my life was. But most of all he knew how selfish I was.

It wasn’t really a secret, a common knowledge more likely. I wasn’t trying to pretend to be someone I’m not. The list of flaws was long, with words like self-absorbed and life threatening (often to myself) taking the top numbers. With the amount of time that I took taking care of my own behind, I was a bit surprised to hear his advice.

For others…

He was asking a lot from me, probably more than I could deliver. I had my proprieties and taking care of people who didn’t necessary deserve that honor, wasn’t something I was willing to do so easily. Somewhere in the back of my head I knew it was the right thing to do, however that knowledge had been buried too deep to actually make me care. Some things were hard to change, even if they already did.

Are you sure, you’re asking the right person for the job?

I asked, lifting my eyebrow questioningly. He knew I wasn’t going to be easily persuade. He had bigger chances of rolling a bulldozer up the hill than hearing a yes from me.

No, I’m not. But I’m running out of options.

He smiled in that lazy way, that drove me crazy most of the times. And every other time.

I don’t think you completely understand the concept of begging.

I sit more comfortably on the wooden container, resting my back against the falling apart wall.

Don’t you mean persuasion?

His expression didn’t change, his posture still just as relaxed. We were both playing our roles well. The only question in hand was, who was going to last longer.

The same thing if you ask me, and if you want to use smart words, that’s your dilemma.

I shrugged my shoulders, starring absent-minded at the dark alley in front of me.

You know it’s the right thing to do.

He says this in a calm, quiet voice. I look up at him, suddenly no longer interested in the state of the city streets.

The right thing to do? – I asked stumped – And these words coming from someone who never cared about another living creature.

I wouldn’t go that far…

He said just as calm as before.

I know you.

I say with an intensity that surprised even me, pointing a finger at him.

I’ve seen you in your worse possible version.

Ah, but you never saw my best side. You would be very surprised.

He said in a good mood, crossing his arms with confidence over his chest.

Well I’m surprised right now.

I look at him with suspicion and immediately he catches my stare; smiling with glee, like he knows something I don’t. I cross my arms irritated.

What?

You’re the one for the job Katy.

He says slowly, getting serious again.

I told you not to call me that way… unless you’re a fan of injuries and unexplained accidents in the police files.

I say very slowly, with pleasure; imagining the multiple possibilities.

Are you done… - He asks not bothered, but after a thought adds – ...Katia?

Hmm, that’s better.

I say as shallow satisfaction colors my voice.

Alright, now that the pleasantries are over, can we get back to business?

There is nothing to get back to, I’m not going to change my mind. So stop trying to prove anyone otherwise.

This isn’t a case of persuasion Kat – he says sternly and I narrow my eyes – There are people’s life’s in stake here. Hundreds of life’s, if not more. This isn’t children’s play or silly games anymore.

I’m aware – I say coldly, not enjoying his patronizing tone – However these kind of circumstances never seemed to bother you before, or stepped in your way.

I point out, sitting straight.

This is different. The scale is much bigger and the consequences will be unimaginable, if we won’t do anything.

We? – I ask amused – I thought you were going to blame all of this on me. Wasn’t that your plan from the beginning, too push me right in the center of the storm?

You know that’s not the case.

He said looking down at me, with the kind of stares that parents leave especially and alone for their offspring’s, if they misbehave.

I’m stronger than you.

I state with irritation and stand up to match his height, which isn’t easy when someone resembles more of a mountain than an average guy of the street.

Yes, you are… - he smiles, showing off his teeth – However I’m not exactly a frail flower either. Am I now?

He finishes with satisfaction as the impressive muscles under his shirt move in a steady pace. It’s like looking at the tectonic plates move, ready to change the planets form at any moment.

But not strong enough.

Alone not, but with some help. I think we can accomplish a lot more.

He raves on with a convincing voice and a smile to match.

What, conquering the world hand in hand?

Sarcasm fills my voice like sweet, thick molasses. Things that he was trying to persuade me into doing were ridiculous. I wasn’t someone who would risk her life for others. Money, power, reputation… sure, those were the things you could use for arguments with me. Those were the words, that I understood. Helping others however - were not. Nope, just a waste of time with me, not to mention my own precious time.

It could easily work.

Alright, since you’re not going to leave this subject, than convince me. I dare you.

I give him one more dirty stare and sat back on the container, graciously letting him speak. Might as well have some fun too.

Are you sitting comfortably enough, ready for the show?

He asked in a mocking tone, more his old self. Now this kind of attitude I understood, because it mirrored mine perfectly. I let myself smile slightly and just nod my head once.

Hey, don’t let me stop you.

I say outstretching my hands forward, palms up.

Never had before… - he starts in darker tone but then turns more serious.

This is followed by some silence, that seems to stretch out almost endlessly while he stares at me. Probably deciding what kind of words to use. Words that would break right through the thick armor of my stubborn and bitter self. He may try, if he likes these kind of games… but my mind was set. I was already preparing myself for some melodramatic soppy statements, when he said something that surprised me and made me look up.

You can get something out of this.

He stares at me, catching my sudden reaction. I try to look blazed and not interested and instead turn to mockery.

What? That warm and fuzzy feeling of inner good, that everybody’s been talking so much about?

No, I wouldn’t even dare to mention those kind of things. I don’t think you would even understand them anyway – his tone seems to match mine.

Then what, if I might ask?

I ask almost sweetly, batting my eyelashes softly and crossing my legs. This is followed by loud laughter and some disapproving head shacking. I take a little bow.

Don’t ever do that again. You’re making a grown man terrified. Want me to lose my reputation? – He asks with fake worry.

What reputation?

Don’t mess with me, you little witch.

He says in a dark tone, yet I know that he’s just playing around. I mean, we didn’t exactly meet yesterday. We’ve been through a lot, most of the times showing each other’s worse sides. Actually the more swearing, obscene gestures and pushing around, the lighter atmosphere with us. It was the times, that we were nice to each other, that meant big problems.

Sweet talk, huh? I didn’t realize our relationship was on such a high level?

I ask and lift my eyebrow.

Alright, stop changing the subject and listen… - he says a bit irritated, but I can see that his eyes are still smiling.

I’m all ears.

My tone is all innocence and good manners. He looks doubtfully at me, sighs but eventually proceeds.

I knew that you would never do it for free.

He starts, nodding his head slowly. He looks like he’s revising some information. I wait for him to continue, ready to get it all over with… and a bit curious what I could possible get out of this situation. I doubted that it could be anything really good. Something worth my time and effort.

There is something that I didn’t mention before.

He says and waits for my reaction. I just shrug my shoulders, not really bothered.

Of course there is. I would be disappointed otherwise – I smile at him casually.

If everything goes according to plan, there will be some… additional benefits.

Such as?

I ask a bit irritated again.

So impatient… you really need to work on your attitude.

He says this in a patronizing tone and I can feel the edginess take over me. The invisible claws spreading in my head with a sharp piercing sound.

You’re stalling, and you know I hate that.

My voice slowly turns icy and a bit on the threatening side. I don’t like to be played with.

Nobody’s stalling here Kat… well maybe a little.

He says amused at first, then his words turn almost apologetic. It’s such an unusual behavior for him, that instantly my bad temper drops. I’m disarmed in just seconds.

Alright, let’s make a deal.

I say calmly now, perfectly at ease.

You tell me what’s really going on and how I can profit from this… and in return I promise not to throw you in the East Side river.

I finish with a very satisfied grin. Threats always set me in a better mood. Why accumulate anger, when you can just let it all out.

That far? Believe me, I’m not worth the trouble. How about some rich guys pool instead? Preferably a Jacuzzi?

He sounds amused again and I just lift my eyebrow.

Oh, you’re worth the effort alright – the side of my mouth lifts for a moment, but then I turn serious.

Can we proceed?

He doesn’t answer, just sighs heavily. I smile, confident now. I won this little battle and he knows it. Mmm, let's see what happens next.

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