Done.

I began to cry for reasons I didn't understand about a week ago. A pencil would fall and tears would form. I would wake up with tear stains on my pillow, and go to bed and make new ones. I didn't know what was wrong, but I did. Everyone is wrong. Everyone is the problem.

I an a person who internalizes things. Anything that happens, I just swallow it down. If it hurt, it goes down. If it upset me, it goes down. If it angers me, it goes down. But, when you swallow too much, you begin to feel nauseated. The stuff you just took begins to bite back and you throw it all back up. For a long time I thought only food could do that, but emotions can too. Emotions that I just tried to ignore are now spewing out of me at the worst times and I hate it. I hate that I can't just put it all back down and now I am a sick wounded animal for predators to attack. I hate that I am so weak.

Others have weakened me. It stared a while back. Social media. Do I even have to tell the story? I made a comment, and someone else did too, and I was suddenly done. It's as if the mist that veiled me and made me think the people I saw were real suddenly dissipated in a moment, and while it has regained its physical shape, I know what I saw when it wasn't there. Eveyrone is a hypocrite, including me. Nothing has changed. Women can vote but are still inferior to men. Gay people can get married but can't have cake. People of color don't face brutal systemic and social discrimination but an air of it still suffocates us like the pollution someone lied and said was gone.

This isn't to repair anything. Others can fight. My hand has cramped so I have to pur my sword down. I can't keep this up, no matter how much society tells me I have to or nothing will get done. Even Martin Luther King took a nap. Call ne on WEdnesday, because I'm done for now. I have to fix myself before I can fix anyone else.