Diary entry - March 2018

I’m totally cool with men, until I’m not. I’m calm, I’m cool, I’m casual, and then hot damn... I’m a fucking mess.

Develop a little feels... grow a little like... and then one small emotional bump and I am not quite sure what I will say. To call it “unravel” is really quite polite. Emotions? I don’t suffer from those. Nope. Not me. None to be found here.

Watched myself try to destroy something recently. It’s a painful to watch yourself internally combust and then patiently wait for the fall out... because you’re a good girl and know that to say anything more, is to dig the hole deeper. Fuuuuuuuck!!!

Is that the true test? How they will respond when you let your human out? The unabashed, unfiltered, real you? Or is that just my natural tendacy to try to destroy (sabotage?) what I know is good and working for me... and hopefully him?

Good news, he held on, as did I. Phew. Bad news, he’s seen a piece of that needy/vulnerable piece that I hate about me. Human? Who me? Pfft! Don’t be so silly.

Time to carry on. That’s enough reality for one day. Anyone else enjoying a ceaser tonight?

Cheers!

Can someone please just pet my head and tell me I’m pretty?