Help

Since I can remember, I have had some mild OCD and anxiety. Sometimes, I have to make everything even. Everything has to be the same. If I try to go against this urge, I can’t stop thinking about it until I have done it. I don't know why this happens, it just does. I count my steps to make sure I take the same amount on each foot. If I touch something with one hand, I have to touch it with my other hand as well. I also overthink things. I make myself believe things that aren’t really there that make me feel horrible. I don’t know how to deal with it. It’s a major inconvenience that hurts me every day. I wish I could bring myself to get help. I wish I wasn’t so scared. Sometimes, I feel like the thing I need help from is the thing that’s keeping me from getting help. Maybe someday I’ll be ok. I can’t wait for that day. I hope it comes soon.