Sometimes, Sometimes Not

Sometimes I think I’ve lived too long. I think, “You know, some people just aren’t meant to have a long, happy life”. Walking around the school, or mall, I think I will never get that back. The happy look on every girl’s and guy’s face when they’re together. The feeling in my heart when they talk about that person. But then, something happens. It isn’t “I think”, it becomes “I know”. I must have gotten “lucky” or what others might consider lucky. Surely, this can’t be right. I've lived 15 years, 10 months, and 5 days, and all I've got to show for it is empty smiles and once happy memories. The whole reason behind my thinking of, maybe I've lived too long is, too many of my loved ones have died before they even got the chance to live. Everyday people who were destined for something, die. So surely, my life isn't destined for anything incredible, so why is it that I'm the one sitting here, typing these words when they were the ones meant to change to world. People say, "You just have to have hope, you have to work through the tough times so you can be rewarded with the good times", but I don't think that's how it works anymore. We sit and hope and pray, until one day we give up. We expect to get certain things out of life, that we know aren't coming, and we cry over it anyway.

So why is it that I even bother sitting here and writing this? Is it for me to believe someone actually cares? Is it to make myself believe that I deserve life? I don't know, and maybe I never will, and I think that might be alright. As long as I remember that maybe not. Sometimes I think that I have lived too long. But sometimes, I think that I have many more to go. Hopefully I can find my happiness, my love, and my answers. So, if I was sitting here with a flower, instead of a computer, plucking the petals, instead of the keys, maybe my cycle of maybe, maybe not's, can end on the maybe not for once.