Worst Story Ever...

My name is Jack and I’ve got style in spades...see what I did there? Anywhoo...most people think I am pretty rad but there is this one girl that isn’t so impressed. For the life of me, I can’t figure out why. I took her on a date and didn’t spare any expense. I had been asking her for months and months and months. Some would say I wore her down but I think she always wanted to say yes but just was shy. Like, really, really shy. I mean, c’mon...what else could it be.

Back to the sick date I took her on. I picked her up in my dad’s ride. Me being 35 and only having worked graveyard shift at Micky D’s doesn’t allow for a dope ride like he has...AND since I live with my parents, he knows I have to come home with it sometime. LOL. I told that joke to her as well but she didn’t think it was as funny as I did. Some people lack the wicked sense of humor I have. Oh well, I can be funny for the both of us. I told her that.

I picked her up at her house which, get this, she owns. I was like, you must have inherited money or something. She gave me a weird look when I said that. I am sure it was a look of “this guy is so mysterious”.

First stop: my work. I forgot that I hadn’t locked up one of the freezers plus I wanted to get a large fries “on the house” for her. I think when I came back out to the car (my dad’s car) with large fries and said “got these for free”, she was pretty impressed with my pull.

Second stop: the beach. And not the beach where it’s all sandy and dirty but the beach that has barnacle covered rocks. Feeling close to nature and microorganisms brings all back to center and I just knew it would bring us close. Who doesn’t look at sea urchins and think this is the perfect date...this guy is a keeper. I pulled out 2 bottles of Boones. “Wild Island” because it’s the best. I’d also brought a box of Ritz crackers, the box with 4 packages of crackers, not two. I poured the wine into a couple red keg cups that I had just grabbed from the house. I had a really good feeling that the wine would warm us up while sitting in the misty, 48 degree Seattle weather.

I looked at her. She was shaking. I said “don’t be nervous”. She said “I’m not, I’m freezing”. Funny girl. As she started to say something that sounded like “I really want to go home” I put my finger up to her lips to shush her. It felt right in the moment. I said “let’s just sit back and try to see the stars in the sky thru the clouds”. Everyone knows that when you are looking at the hundreds of stars in the sky, you feel somehow insignificant and more vulnerable. Like, even though there are over a hundred stars in the sky, there is only one of me. Crazy.

Well this is where things went sideways. There was a bus stop directly across the street from “our beach”. Without saying another word, she got up and headed that way. Left her keg cup and everything. I said “hey, where are you going?“. Her response was “anywhere away from here”. Whatevs THAT is supposed to mean. I yelled out “you don’t even know where that bus is headed!“. She said “doesn’t matter”. Weird...I didn’t think we’d be playing these love games so early in our relationship. So I laughed and waved to her. What a kitten she is.

She got on the bus and left and I finished my Boones and ritz crackers. I killed the rest of her fries too. I was pretty sure she wouldn’t be coming back and they smelled so good. I decided right then and there I would play her little game but it was also nice just being on the beach spending time with my favorite person...me.

So how did I figure out that she wasn’t all that impressed with me you ask? She told me later and it was also in the restraining order. I still think this is a big game we are playing and besides, you only get one shot at this type of guy. I’m sure she knows that. Why be with a zero when you can be with a hero. I say that to every girl I meet. They love it.

Well, that’s the long and short of it. Absence make the heart grow fonder and she’s a butterfly so I am going to release her and if she doesn’t come back than it wasn’t meant to be and has no idea when a good thing is staring her right in the face. As they say, you can lead a beautiful horse to water....