Nursery Crimes

Mary had a little lamb

With mashed potatoes gravy and peas

But every time she dined on lamb

The lamb would make her sneeze!

Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater

Had a wife but wouldn’t feed her

He kept her in a pumpkin shell

Where there she lived captive in her private hell

Sticks and stones can break my bones

But my words will never rhyme

I really try to make it work

But it doesn’t all the time

Roses are red

Violets are blue

But these still don’t work

So what should I do?

Fee fye pho fum

I smell the blood of an Englishmen

Be he alive or if he is hurt

I wonder would mind if I steal his shirt?

Hey diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle

The cow jumped with grace sublime

But then she tripped and broke her neck

Now she’s pot roast before her time

Little Ms. Muffet sat on her tuffet

Eating some Kurds and whey

The Kurdistan cannibal as she became known

From over a cuckoos nest she had flown

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe

With so many little children

Since she was one easy screw

She attracted many suitors

Who stuck to her like glue

So she cooked them all up

Into a savory Irish stew

Peas porridge hot

Peas porridge cold

Peas porridge in a poisoned pot

Nine months old

Some like it spicy hot

But it’s tastier served cold

Others like it in the pot

When it’s really rather old

With a green slimy mold

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty answered the call

He pulled down his pants

Then cracked open his shell

Out popped a brown yoke

That stank to high hell!

...to be continued.

(c) BAM