My 7 Lives

Long ago, while we were living separate lives we both suffered through our own personal hells. We were handed the same fate. The same fate that brought us together 9 years later, within a murderous flashback rage, would destroy everything we ever cherished.  I stood helpless before you, my caring, worried stare locked to your cold, empty eyes that glared straight through me. Your forearm pressed tightly against my throat, your bicept firmly clenching the back of my neck creating a deadly vice.  Every breath I struggled for was  bound within your tremendous strength fueled only by your own pure terror.  6 times that night, you looked at me, but you didn’t see your best friend, within your minds sick game you relived the war, an Afghan soldier stood in my place. Without a second thought, or a moments doubt, I graciously, respectfully and honourably conceded my life to you and for you! I only have 1 life left to live, and yes this life too is already being giving up for yours. Even though you’ve since walked away, and now my mere existence is something you refuse to acknowledge,  your empty promises of eternal friendship, and your  support along my way.  Each day starts, within the game my mind continuously plays,  you and I stand face to face. I take a deep breath, and think to myself only 19 more times today, until the never ending replay that is featured in my dreams starts again tonight. I’m barely surviving in a hell that no one understands. The phrases “let it go and don’t dwell on the past” make my blood boil. “He tried to kill you and then just walked away,  he’s not worth protecting, you should be thankful he’s gone.”   I will live out this life that is worse than any hell, but there is no living for me to do all I can do is allow my body exist. My one last life is already yours, I will never betray you, you know my word is my bond, my lips are sealed, your road to recovery is worth it all.  If I had to do it over, there isn’t a single thing I would change because to me, YOU are more than worth all my 7 lives!

C. Lodge