Blank

I sometimes wonder why I call myself this name of mine. I had a good reason but now it has changed so much over the year that i can’t remember what it was. I feel like I’m invisible every day and like people just have an automatic way of answering any questions or conversation I have. Interactions with others are always quick and although i know that i need to exist, i feel like the second I’m gone people will move on quickly and forget who I was. That’s why I am blank. Someone who is forgetful and who won’t be remembered much. Someone who just passes by their life every day with everything being the same boring pattern. Someone who never does anything spontaneous and will live a normal life with maybe a possibility of meeting someone. Someone who so desperately wants to do such great things and will work towards it but is too quiet and nervous to step outside the box and be themselves. Someone who’s mind is always blank when it comes to common sense or talking to people but is actually pretty smart in certain fields. My mind is always blank when it comes to people so that’s why I express my feelings with music and piano. I am someone who’s body and soul is blank and feels as if within a second it could shatter and break so easily. Someone who is tired all the time but also feels too much anxiety to sleep. Someone who can’t think during tests because so many people are surrounding you that you feel on the spot even though no one cares. The spotlight effect happens a lot even though I mentally know that I don’t matter as much as I do. I am blank. I am average at everything I do. I have nothing special yet I am really happy with my life most times. I am happy alone but also lonely that people won’t get to know me. I am the few people that will settle with average and boring sometimes but that tiny voice in my head that thinks of doing great things pops up once in a while. I am modest and jealous easily. I care what others think but I won’t let it look that way. I am scared of people but I long to talk to others. I am nothin special but fine with that. I don’t believe in a super happy life all the time that people predict. I believe everyone has their hardships from time to time and that we all deal with it being a part of our live. I bet Cinderella wasn’t always happy and that sleeping beauty wanted to wake up from her sleep. I know I seem like a pessimist writing this but I want others to know that I find it good that their aren’t always such great endings. It’s what makes us human and helps us understand that we aren’t alone so I have written what I wanted and have spoken how I feel. I will finally end this small writing in which will soon be forgotten and be erased to become blank. This writing doesn’t matter in a way that it means as much as a blank page. Something that people need to start off but eventually take away once something is written. I am blank and will always pass by without a second look with my writing continuing on without review.

- there are no happy endings in this world

but we all find ways to cope with the bad.