I’m sad all the time. I get drunk only to realize how ugly I am in looks and also personality. I wake up everyday unhappy with who i am and also sad at how no one makes friends with me and the only people that do... are fake and talk behind my back. I know that I’m ugly but that still doesn’t change my sadness and realization that i haven’t ever been asked out or been one of those girls hat has their first kiss at 14. I should be having fun and going to parties but I never get invited. People just don’t like me and as I try to have self confidence in myself, I’m secretly dying every day because of how alone I feel.

I sometimes wonder why I call myself this name of mine. I had a good reason but now it has changed so much over the year that i can’t remember what it was. I feel like I’m invisible every day and like people just have an automatic way of answering any questions or conversation I have. Interactions with others are always quick and although i know that i need to exist, i feel like the second I’m gone people will move on quickly and forget who I was. That’s why I am blank. Someone who is forgetful and who won’t be remembered much. Someone who just passes by their life every day with everything being the same boring pattern. Someone who never does anything spontaneous and will live a normal life with maybe a possibility of meeting someone. Someone who so desperately wants to do such great things and will work towards it but is too quiet and nervous to step outside the box and be themselves. Someone who’s mind is always blank when it comes to common sense or talking to people but is actually pretty smart in certain fields. My mind is always blank when it comes to people so that’s why I express my feelings with music and piano. I am someone who’s body and soul is blank and feels as if within a second it could shatter and break so easily. Someone who is tired all the time but also feels too much anxiety to sleep. Someone who can’t think during tests because so many people are surrounding you that you feel on the spot even though no one cares. The spotlight effect happens a lot even though I mentally know that I don’t matter as much as I do. I am blank. I am average at everything I do. I have nothing special yet I am really happy with my life most times. I am happy alone but also lonely that people won’t get to know me. I am the few people that will settle with average and boring sometimes but that tiny voice in my head that thinks of doing great things pops up once in a while. I am modest and jealous easily. I care what others think but I won’t let it look that way. I am scared of people but I long to talk to others. I am nothin special but fine with that. I don’t believe in a super happy life all the time that people predict. I believe everyone has their hardships from time to time and that we all deal with it being a part of our live. I bet Cinderella wasn’t always happy and that sleeping beauty wanted to wake up from her sleep. I know I seem like a pessimist writing this but I want others to know that I find it good that their aren’t always such great endings. It’s what makes us human and helps us understand that we aren’t alone so I have written what I wanted and have spoken how I feel. I will finally end this small writing in which will soon be forgotten and be erased to become blank. This writing doesn’t matter in a way that it means as much as a blank page. Something that people need to start off but eventually take away once something is written. I am blank and will always pass by without a second look with my writing continuing on without review.

- there are no happy endings in this world

but we all find ways to cope with the bad.

I go out sometimes to the astronomy building to stay because my home is too broken and terrible to live in. Every second I come home I hear the screaming of what I did wrong or why I skipped school as bottles are being flown around me and punches are dodged as I try to stay on my feet because the second I fall I will not be able to fight back or settle. The punches and kicks are just too fast to drive away and another hospital visit and lie awaits as I say that I fell or got in with the wrong crowd so I leave. I go out and take the city bus to a broken down, old, wooden astronomy building to look up at the stars and think. Yes it is full of bugs and very uncomfortable to stay at but I feel safe and at peace when I’m there besides no one I know ever answers their phone to let me stay the night. Every day people act like friends to me yet they see the bruises and ignore everything they see. They never answer back or are “too busy” to deal with me or to hang out so I find comfort in going to that building. I sleep and study the patterns in the stars with everything going on forever and in infinite ways. It helps me realize that we are all just lost in a world that doesn’t care to find us and that I’m not alone in this place full of loneliness and despair. Everyone has their troubles so I won’t bother others with mine but sometimes you want to tell someone. Sometimes you need people to listen and to understand that you feel hopeless every day and that your not as bad or as quiet as people think. I want to talk normally with others and share secrets. I want to go to the mall with people and go on dates but that will never happen because people see my troubles and quietness and think that I’m too much to deal with or that I have no good personality over my type a work driven personality. They think I’m no fun or that I will be scared away yet they have no idea how strong and fun I can be. I want to go to parties and not have everyone stare me down at the halls because they know somethings not quite right at home or even shout comments like “what happened to you?” acting concerned about my well being yet that is the first time I’ve ever spoken to them. People block out the ones they don’t want to deal with and act nice but never get too close to these people that seem too boring to hang out with. Even if you try to be spontaneous and make a joke, people will find it suddenly odd by your action or will laugh nervously as if you are on the edge of breaking. So I will go to the astronomy building and forget my family and forget my fake friends so that I can finally try and get some rest and be able to concentrate in this jumbled up mind of mine that can only think when out of school but become a blank slate whenever people ask something or when you try to join a conversation. I will keep on living like this and I will soon be forgotten like a ghost does. People still won’t talk to me and will only stare when I’m all alone at lunch. I will continue to survive this way and just hope that one day someone will speak to me and truly want to be my friend.

- there are no happy endings in this world

Rain always makes me happy not only because it’s a great time to read and settle in but also because is distracts from the noise and actions of others. It would block out the fighting and clatter of my father beating and hitting me mother when I was younger and would give me hope that he would stop and that the blood wasn’t real. I never visited the hospital but I do know that my mother had to go a plenty of times. She was always to scared and unwilling to give up the relationship until the divorce and even then she continues to date abusers and call back every single one of them to ask for them to come back and continue the terrible relationship. It makes me sick to see that she continues this reckless will to keep these people in her life but I also understand her need for people to like her. He would never hurt or touch me or my sister but my father would sure yell a lot and care the crap out of six year old me with his scare tactics and threats to hurt us or my mom. Sometimes we would leave and sleep in the car when he got crazy from all the alcohol and his drinking didn’t get any better after the divorce especially his bad temper. It still hurts to remember the blood and fighting that I saw as a child but every family has their problems I guess. The rain sometimes helps soothe my fear and still forget about my family for a second. This isn’t such a terrible lifestyle and childhood as others may have definitely had worse but it still isn’t very happy as most feel like things are. I will live out my life normally and full of boredom until the day I die and will probably forget about these troubles as time passes.

There are no happy endings in this world.

As you get older we as people start to realize how that childish pretend game you used to play as a kid takes charge in real life as people cannot deal with the suffocation of it all. People pretend that they are fine; they make up lies to hide the truth within. Some find this game fun to play with people till the end but don’t understand how dangerous the game can get. Regret, cheating, lies, and violence stir up together into a pot of drug-induced reality that becomes distorted from these minimal crimes we commit. People pretend to be your friend for years only to find out that the entire time you’ve been listening to their every word, spilling your biggest secrets, and comforting them in dark times, they have been going behind your back with empty promises and heart-breaking lies that confuse you on what is real. Overall these people suck but everyone seems to do it at least once whether it be a pretend on a epic story to hide a boring life or an exaggeration on how well you did on a task to gain respect. Since I’ve finally realized this truth of a friend, I can’t sleep, eat, or let alone speak to others out of the fear of being hurt or broken again. She has brought terror around me as blackmail circles her generic name of Zoe; the nicest girl in the world that wouldn’t hurt a fly. I can’t breathe when I’m around her and can’t stop crying during lonely nights even though she never was a lover but only a simple friend of 6 years. I’ve talked her out of suicide and have tried to brighten her day when she is sad but her personality had secretly changed as the world didn’t notice. Her true self shines one day as to where she shut me out and played the victim in a two way situation but through all this she gained the sympathy of a crowd that couldn’t see through her lies and used my greatest weakness against me. Loneliness. It surrounds me as I have no one to speak to or feel comfortable with. I can’t speak to others without them blowing me off or acting bothered by my presence. It’s funny how the mind plays tricks on people to where I’m feeling responsible for everything, apologizing constantly, and feeling utterly alone no matter if people are near me. I want to say goodbye to these feelings but they keep on pestering me and killing my will to live. I have no power to fix anything or to gain any respect anymore. This pretend game can get to people and it makes the beautiful mind turn dangerous. I want to leave this world but I don’t have the will to try and I’m kept in this session of sadness and simple boredom. Every story that seems to be read always ends with happiness and good fortune but that all is a pretend life that hides away the realities of war, trauma, mental illness, inequality, genocide, and many other deep problems that have and continue to go on in this world with the privileged moving on with ignorance to the other countries and people that are not doing well. The rich buy big houses and huge tv’s with a little percentage going to a charity or case study that will never get a real benefit or impact on the whole of a situation. We as people continue to pretend that these issues don’t go on and that it isn’t our problem or job and sometimes it does feel like we all can’t make a difference. Even I am a hypocrite for writing this because I too feel that I can’t do anything in this world to benefit with no power or money but I do feel that inspiration and understanding needs to happen to the ones that do hold power. Although I would like to have hope, I feel that my life will keep going on the same and no change will be made simply because...

There are no happy endings in this world

The darkness surrounds and suffocates me as if it were water and I didn't know how to swim. Fear slowly seeps into my soul as I don't know when I will be let out. I feel as if hours have past and they have forgotten about me. Evil thoughts lurk in my head as I think I am useless to them and that I deserve this punishment. My nose is still bleeding from when he hit me before I came to this room and it makes a small pool of blood near me. The door is still locked up tight and my stomach is sick with hunger but I deserve it. I was the one in the wrong and apologies weren't enough. We have rules and I bent them. I should be dead because of this but he has been kind. These thoughts in my head are now pounding in my head and driving me into insanity until the squeak of a door is heard. The door is unlocked and I am free from my fear. Next time I know to be more careful with plates. For one had fallen and anger came to me. As the glass shattered so did his temper. He locked me in the room for punishment because of my carelessness. I am clumsy, stupid, ugly, and shouldn't have his kindness towards me. I deserved it.

There are no happy endings in this world.

The warmth of the sun was warm and tender. The gentle breeze flowed through my hair as I breathed in the pure air. I was in a luscious green field with a variety of flowers surrounding me. I felt something I have never felt before, happiness. This place filled me with delight. I hear a loud noise ringing in my ears, it interrupts me and puts me into a sense of panic and worry. I realize, it was all a dream. Reality hits me like a boulder and I come to my senses. I see the fire and chaos outside. A mix between screaming and bombing sounds fill my ears. I am all alone and fearing for my life. I quickly hide in a small storage closet and cover my ears. As the noises get closer, my fear grows deep inside my stomach increasing every second. I start to feel sick and my nose starts bleeding. I decide that I am going to die if I continue staying here, so I open the door and start running. Suddenly I see the soldiers have already invaded the place and one of them catches me... He points a gun at me and says to kneel down where the rest of the captured are. I obediently do as he says and kneel next to my classmate, Jasmine. I am on the verge of going hysterical as I look at Jasmine hoping that she would fix everything. She is balling her eyes out and preparing herself for death. The last thing I see was her and the last thing I heard was the bang of the guns all in perfect unison as they shoot us captured down...

There are no happy endings in this world

Fire. It surrounds me, getting closer every second. The wood building I'm in is caving in and pillars of fire are falling near me. I am frozen and the only thing I can think about is how I'm gonna die. The doors were locked and there were no windows. The burning flame blackens my flesh. My breath quickens and my heart is pounding out of my chest. The wooden ceiling caves in... A red color is seen as I open my eyes. Blood. It's spilling from my insides and pouring on the floor. The wood has toppled over me and I can't move as the fire burns me to death. I hear voices... the police or an hallucination? My scream echoes throughout what's left of the house and everything fades to black...

There are no happy endings in this world

The girl rushed past the world like it was a bother. She never stops running until she gets to her destination and doesn't take any time to see the beauty of the world. She hides her life from anyone she sees; keeps her secrets locked. People say she is ignorant for not stopping to talk to people,but I think that's the way she's taught to live. She might seem like the average teenager but the thing that brings her so much attention is her looks. One glimpse of the girl and you can tell she is a beauty. Her dark brown hair bounces as she rushes past. Her black clothes rustle in the wind. Her tall appearance makes her noticeable,but the main feature to this girl are her eyes. They are of a crimson red, almost demon-like. They glow in the darkness and anyone who lays eyes on them are under her trance. She feasts upon broken souls. If you wrong her, she can make your life a living hell. Today, I see her running once again. I am the only one who is there to see her. A cat rushes by; it is black. The girl is not far from the cat and chasing it like it holds her life. A car (the color of crimson) passes by at a high speed. The cat is in the way and looking to get hit. The girl jumps in to grab the cat... The cat lives ,but the girl dies. Her Crimson eyes are open wide as a Crimson color bursts out of her body. The Crimson car had hit her and now she was dead. The driver of the car gets out and grins hideously. He then laughs madly and yells "I've finally killed that demon!" I was the only witness and I quickly run out of the place. I am the running boy with crimson eyes...

There are no happy endings in this world

As soon as I met her I knew she was the one. Melody. Her name was enchanting and it put me in a trance. Her name itself could turn something dull into a beautiful gem. It wasn't just her name that got my attention, it was her smile. Her smile was gentle and calm. It brought joy to this world full of hate. I knew right from then, that I loved her. Her golden locks of hair tussled in the wind on the rooftop, her smile getting bigger. Her sky blue eyes looked at me calmly. Just her presence made life seem peaceful. Her lips moved slowly as if to a song. Her words were but a whisper. She stood on the ledge of the rooftop with a grin on her face and spoke her final words.

"Goodbye"

There are no happy endings in this world