Narcissistic Love

Anyone with a giving persona, and a desire to help others, attracts narcissists. You give, they take. It’s a match made in heaven  hell. It‘s at times confusing & dynamic.One of the keys to sanity is understanding that, when it comes to narcissistic love it is a completely different place/situation. Not only was this affecting the person that was in the relationship but, everyone else around that person was being dragged into this tragedy that we so call LOVE or atleast one of the types . You know that type of love that when you truly love someone, whether it’s a person, or even a pet, you can get really angry at them, yet despite the anger, you still feel love for them? That’s healthy unconditional love. It’s not something narcissists are familiar with. A father , a mother, a daughter and even a son could experience this . In this case the father was the narcissistic person while the mother and the children suffered from the naurcissistic love. The mother that was willing to do anything to protect her relationship with the father and her children. Being the oldest daughter getting to visually experience violent scenes, made me feel weak . It made me feel like I could actually feel the pain that was being passed through my mother and on to me . By looking into her eyes, being around her, holding her tight. She was that mother that would cut her veins open just to save her kids . The type that would jump off a bridge for you. She was a kind hearted bitch . The reason I say bitch, is because the anger I had for my father after he violently abused my mom was unconditionally hard to describe. Which made me hate my mother for accepting and going through all that she had gone through, just because of a stupid narcisstic person. A selfish, fake loving, useless, needy, cocky person !! I wanted to knock the fuck out of my father while he was pushing my mother onto the ground. While at the same time I wanted to hate my mother for accepting all of this non-sense in her life for years. But I couldn’t. I wouldn’t . I can’t hate her . I love this kind hearted bitch. As I sat back and lit up all of the letters on fire that I had recieved from him. I had no regrets. Narcissists decides to take advantag of my father this makes him do things even when expectations are not fulfilled, the scene can be a lot like someone swearing at their computer for crashing. It’s not a love based on any core connection, it’s a love based on functionality. The ability to see other people at a deeper level, requires the ability to see ourselves at a deeper level. He didn‘t see him self at a deeper level. Both blinded by this so called narcissistic love. A horrifying prisoned type of love. Insanity in my pulses still pump as my heart races fast and i remember the blood that dripped down your forehead. I close my eyes, blink three times and it’s still not a damn dream . March 30, 2012 Will always be remembered as an unforgettable presence of my fulffiling spirits screaming for independence and self-love. Fuck narcissistic love.