i say goodbye

my life is heard by many and understood by very few. i hold memories and tears and years

of pain and resentment toward myself and my family

that will never leave my heart or body.

i've learned only recently in my short life that try as i might to live and let go

there is grief and guilt that reside deep within memories

too painful to relive

so i hold my head high and take a deep breath.

i paint a smile back on and only briefly let my fingers touch my cracked lips

as a gentle reminder that the scars i bare

both inside and out

are visible to those who know what i feel and blissfully ignored

by those who know what they see.

my feet dangle in the grass and my face sits delicately between my muddy hands

and to passing traffic i look simply a girl

with her dog but those

brave enough to look me in the eyes

see the fallen tears but those

brave enough to feel my pain

take my weakened hands and i

smile

only to realize

i'm nowhere to be found.