God, Make Me Numb

Once again I’m shown

How I’m just too much

For anyone to handle

For anyone to want

I let myself out

I became vulnerable

I let you see the real me

And you chose to walk away

I should have known

It’s always the same

By now i should have learned

To stay within my shell

But i trusted you

I thought you were different

I thought you had accepted me

For all that I was

Only, my intensity was too much

And frightened, you retreated

Pulled away from me

Left me cold and alone

Now I have no one

I cannot be myself

And my only option

Is to re-enter my shell

And this time I’ll lock it

Throw away the key

Because there’s no coming out

No one wants this me

Why was I born this way

With too much of everything

The depth of my emotional psyche

Renders me weak

I don’t want to be weak!

I want to be strong!

So God take away my muchness

And make me numb

Because...

The only way to survive this world

The only way to get people to stay

Is to become numb

©️CJ

6/7/18