Creation out of Chaos

We all predict our next movement, sometimes it is deliberate, sometimes it is unconscious. We have some sort of idea of what will happen ten years from now, or at least that’s how we want it to go. Curveballs and detours occur, but our minds are usually set to end up in a certain destination.

They say things happen for reason. The world is chaotic in our eyes, but looking at the big picture, the larger-scaled perspective, it could make sense to another being. As humans, we don’t always understand events around us. Creation of explanations is a mechanism made by humans all the time. We base it off of science or just pure belief. Either way, those thoughts inspire us to make certain decisions in our lives.

I was running up a hill, feeling the cold wind burn on my cheeks, my skin pale. My feet thudded loudly against the ground and the constant fear of tripping on the slick tar of the road was fresh like a wound in my mind. Exactly what I was running from, I still don’t know till this day, but I could feel it getting closer to me, even if I could not see it. An ear-piercing screech echoed into my bones, sending waves of horror through my blood. Something took a breathe on my left shoulder. It was cold, like a sudden burst of AC air, chilling my bones.

I didn’t want to turn around and look. I didn’t want to face what could possibly be the end of my life. I was scared, my pulse was skyrocketing. It is going to be okay, I told myself. It is okay. Everything disappeared. The cold was gone, the hill was gone, It was gone.

Nightmares are something i’ve tackled with for a very long time. They are usually very similar to this one, the situations varying. Since as long as I can remember, i’ve awaken with my skin damp with sweat, and my heart thudding in my chest.

I sat in my bed for a few moments. I thought about everything that my brain had conjured up and I tried to breathe. Tears flowed down my face and made my eyes sting.

This is one of those things that just happened to occur on the right time, on the right day, at the right place.

I looked at my nightstand. A brush and a sketchbook were lying there because my sister left her things in my room. I cannot explain this, but a gut instinct told me to paint. I picked up the brush, and maneuvered it.

The fear in my head, and the terror in my heart traveled down my shoulders, through my elbows, and the energy released itself into my brush. I was in control, which was not the case in my dreams. I had the power to create something beautiful out of something so dreadful.

I still have this piece. It isn’t something specific, because I wasn’t really thinking about what I was drawing. Streaks of ultramarine blue, slate gray, and eggshell white danced gracefully on the thick watercolor paper.

I drew circles, squares, squiggly lines and blobs using a swift hand. I was still crying, but I wasn’t scared anymore.

If you find a way to control yourself in situations, things are eventually going to be okay. That experience taught me how to have power over myself. Even if it is as simple as nightmares, facing the problem is the best possible solution.

I would have never started painting or drawing if it wasn’t for that day. I wouldn’t have started selling my art online. A bad dream helped me determine what I wanted to do with my future.

It is important to let your emotions and thoughts go in a safe and reasonable way. Learning how to cope with my own mind was the best possible thing I have achieved in my entire life.