Blurred Reflection

Sometimes I wonder how someone can be so happy and so perpetually unhappy all at once—how someone can have everything that they need and that they want but still feel tears threatening their eyes more often than laughter graces their lips, but it doesn’t matter how little sense it makes because that is how I feel, and I don’t know what to do about it because life everyday pushes me around—the ups and downs driving me mad, and the emotions confusing me more than they confuse those around me that are constantly being rocked by my waves. I am loved and cared for, but all my eyes can see are the moments that instill doubt, and the commotion caused by the brawling of my conscious thought is so blinding that I sometimes can’t even see who I am—my own image is contorted by the chaos, and the two voices have gotten so loud that I can’t even tell which one is mine.

Why can’t I just be normal? Why can’t my mind just be still?