Christmas

Christmas is known as the time when all family comes together and enjoy a huge meal while smiling with joy. You meet family members you haven’t seen for a long time and you’re able to talk and catch up with them, see how their life is going. That’s exactly why my friends decided to meet back up with our families in Michigan this Christmas, and to spend it together. Usually I would jump at the idea, if it wasn’t for the fact that my dad hates me with a passion.

He doesn’t hate me because of my personality, but because of my preferences. His brother is a pastor and he’s extremely homophobic. Most of our lives were centered around the Bible, and about how if we ever became gay how we would kill us with his own two hands. I figured out I was gay at the age of 15, also the age I was kicked out of my house. Luckily I have an awesome twin sister who came with me, and I’m so grateful for all the friends I made. The thing is that two years ago when I was 15 was also the last time I ever saw my dad. If I remember clearly, the last thing he said to me was how he would kill me if he ever saw me again. This wouldn’t be a problem if I didn’t know that they have a whole bag of pocket knives and about 3 swords in that house.

"This is where you guys get off. I’m not going in there, nope." I say as I park the car in front of my parent’s house. The last thing I want to do is go inside that house. They’re lucky that I love road trips, but I like the ride, not the destination. Especially not if this destination is death. "I’m going back to Illinois. There I won’t face my dad and everything will be fine."

"No, come on. I’ll protect you." Adrian, my boyfriend, says from the passanger seat and reaches over to kiss my cheek. "I’ll protect you." 

I shake my head and hold on to the seatbelt tighter. "Nuh uh. Staying here. You go have fun though."

"Please?" Adrian says with a slight pout. "You gotta face the things that scare you in life head on, it’ll make you stronger."

"... I’m gonna die." I look at him with a nervous expression. I’m not ready to face this fear. 

"No you aren’t, I won’t let you die." Adrian hugs me tightly and I relax a bit in his arms. It’s his continuous love that keeps me going all the time, and I’m glad that he’s in my life. I nod and sit up then place my hands on Adrian’s shoulders. 

"Yeah. You know what? Fuck him. I’m going to walk in there holding your hand and there’s nothing he can do about it." I smile at him and he smiles back.

"Yeah, but not literally though. Don’t fuck him literally."

"What ew no."

"Yeah, don’t." I laugh a bit and nod then hug him again. He kisses my cheek and hugs me back and I smile. 

"Is it rude if I ask can we go during this Jourdrian moment?" Someone, I’m guessing the odd one in the group, Sam, asks from the back of the car. I then realize that I had all the doors locked so the couldn’t get out. I pull away and look at all of them.

"Right, sorry." I unlock the car and my friends walk out in couples. Adrian gets out of the car, and I get out last. I walk around the car and look at Adrian, he walks over and takes my hand in his and smiles. I smile back at him and nod then look at the house. I can do this. I look at the door to find everyone is waiting. I’m guessing this is the right time to explain the couples in this friend group.

In front of the door, there’s Samka. Roseka and Sam. They’re the odd couple. Kind of like those people who are so weird they’re made for each other, but at the same time might try to take over the world. They’re in the front of the door because they rushed, not because they’re the best.

After Samka, there’s Joson. My twin sister, Jojo, and her boyfriend Person. He has a weird name, but I guess you’re stuck with what you’re born with. They’re the cute couple. They do all those adorable things together that make you wanna watch but vomit at the same time. They’re the type of couple to make single people feel so lonely and jealous, and couples feel like they’re not good enough. They’re the definition of couple goals.

After that, it’s us, Jourdrian. Me, Jourdin, and my boyfriend Adrian. I’m not even going to try to hide it, we’re the inappropriate couple. We’re usually caugut throwing inappropriate jokes and doing things that not many people would want to see. The type of couple that you shouldn’t leave in a room by themselves. Also I’m just a hopeless romantic, and would be found doing crazy over the top things for Adrian. The type of funny couple you go to when you get sick of the cuteness of Joson.

That’s our whole friend group, and we all live together in this house in Illinois. That’s also the order that we enter our childhood home.

"Shit we’re getting left behind!" Adrian says as he pulls me inside. I stop after entering and look around. The house hasn’t changed that much, and all the parents are already here. I look at Adrian and he looks sort of lost in thought. I walk over to a corner and sit on a chair, kind of hoping to not be seen. Adrian just follows me cluelessly, but he mumbling something about burning the house down, so I’m guessing he’s making a backup plan. 

I look over and watch as Jojo speaks to a woman who I’m guessing is Person’s mom. It looks like she’s outsmarting her by the look on their faces. I’m not going to complain thiugh, because judging by Person’s childhood, that woman has no right to be called a mother. 

The greetings pass by pretty smoothly. I met back up with my mother and we talked and I introduced Adrian to her. I can tell she’s against me being gay, but is trying her best to still be there for me. I haven’t met Adrian’s parents yet, but at the same time I haven’t seen my dad. Adrian left to find his parents and I’m left in my hiding place alone.

I don’t really want to stay here by myself, and I also need to use the bathroom. I’m pretty sure the nearest bathroom is upstairs, and that my dad probably wouldn’t be up there, so I get up and go to the bathroom. Hopefully Adrian doesn’t think I ran away or something. I quickly use the bathroom, and when I walk out, Roseka is there. 

"Oh thank goodness. Jourdin! Adrian has been looking for your everywhere! He’s really hurt and won’t let anyone see, you have to come!" Roseka says with a worried look on her face. She takes my arm and pulls me as she walks down the stairs. I follow her with worry for Adrian, what happened?

"What happened to Adrian?" I ask as she pulls me down the stairs. Halfway through the stairs, I stop when I see what’s down there. Adrian isn’t hurt, but Sam is down there talking to my dad. Roseka and Sam, oh shoot this is a setup. I try to turn back and go upstairs but Roseka has a pretty firm grip on me and pulls me down.

My dad looks at me and he looks mad. "Oh no no no, someone get me a knife." He says when he sees me and I look around, searching desperately for an escape. Sam hands him a knife and that’s when I realize that this wasn’t a set up for me to confront my dad, but because Samka wanted something to watch. "I told you not to come back so what are you doing here?!" He yells and I back up.

"I- I’m sorry!" I stutter. I knew I shouldn’t have came, this whole thing wouldn’t have happened if I just stayed in Illinois. "I know I shouldn’t have came, but mom invited me and-"

"No! Scraw your mother, I told you never to come back!" My dad cuts me off and glares. "I brought you into this world, and I’m not afraid to take you out!" I can feel the tears rolling down my face, I’m trying to stay strong but I just can’t. I feel like I’m failing Adrian. 

"But... Dad..." I try to muster up something, but he cuts me off again.

"I am not your father, I did not raise you like this!" He yells and comes closer and I try to back up, but I crash into a box and almost fall.

"I-"

"Get out! I dont want to see you again!" I stand there and watch him, with tears in my eyes, I don’t know what to do. My dad brings up the knife and cut my side. I groan and hold it. "Go!" He yells. "Go visit a church!" 

"Okay I’m leaving I’M SORRY!" I yell as I run out the house. As I’m running I see Adrian coming out of a room, I’m guessing he didn’t see any of what just happened. I run some distance then sit in front of the tree that’s in front of the house. I can hear Adrian yelling, it’s clear to make out his british accent. I didn’t want Adrian to get in this mess, I didn’t want my dad to know that he’s my boyfriend, I don’t want for my dad to cut him too, I don’t want for him to have restrictions in the house like I do. I just want to kiss Adrian, meet his parents. That’s all I really wanted. 

After awhile the yelling stops and I’m guessing Jojo calmed him down. She’s his best friend so it’s good to have her here for this type of stuff. I feel like I let him down, this is definitely all my fault. After awhile, Adrian runs up to me and hugs me.

"Jourdin, aw shit I’m so sorry." He says as he hugs and comforts me. I’m trying to control my tears and I look at him. Why is he apologizing, this is all my fault.

"I’m sorry I didn’t stick up to him, and that I wasnt bold enough. I suck, I’m so so sorry." The tears keep coming and I feel so bad.

"No, you don’t suck. Your dad is just rude and stuff." Adrian says as he hugs me tighter. "I accidentally called him a jackass though, and told him to go fuck himself."

I wipe my face with my sleeve and laugh a bit. "Thanks."

"Cheer up. Don’t let some narrow-minded dude make you cry."

"He’s my dad though, Adrian. And he fucking hates me." My dad also hates when people use swear words, but it came to that point where I can’t help myself. It doesn’t matter now, anyways.

"Well... I mean sometimes in life you can’t fix things. Yeah, it sucks, but at least you have people who care about you. Maybe one day your dad will care about you once he sees how great you are, and if not then it’s okay. You have me and Jojo and the rest of them that don’t really matter." 

I smile a bit and look at him. "Thanks. And sorry about... The blood."

"I don’t care." Adrian kisses me on the lips and I kiss him back. He pulls away after a bit and smiles at me and I smile back. "Okay, but seriously. You should fix your side. Don’t pass out due to blood loss."

"Oh Yeah." I look at my side, my shirt is covered in blood and cut. I take off my shirt and rip it then tie it around my torso. Tight so it can stop the blood flow. I look over at Adrian and his eyes are widened and he’s watching me, a bit stunned. I watch him and laugh a bit which brings him back to reality. He looks around.

"Oh uh. Do you want your jacket back?" Adrian asks as he gets ready to take the jacket I gave him in the car back to me. He looks really cute though and I’m sure I’ll be fine. 

"No, you keep it." I smile at him and he nods. He didn’t even try to give it to me again, so he’s obviously very cold. I lean on him and he hugs me, giving me warmth. 

My dad may not like it, but I like boys and love Adrian. And I love it.