Too Damn Long

Sometimes I think I’ve lived too long,

been a burden too long,

been a problem too long,

been a failure too long,

been a disappointment too damn long.

Why is my heartbeat still going on

Keeping my blood pumping

Veins and arteries with something

My heart doing its job to keep me alive

but did I really survive

this damn long

I feel like I’m always wrong

I am less certain of my state

while under my depression sedate

But as the years have gone to lore

I think I’ve been half-dead for

too damn long

When did I last sing a happy song?

My mask has quite a past

Will it ever end or even just subside?

I don’t know how much longer I can lie

To people with an “I’m fine.”

Faking a laugh before drinking from a cup

Forcing a smile I’ve been holding up

too damn long

Brief moments of joy come along

And I want them to never end

This is happiness I can’t comprehend

My facade falls

And I show my flaws

And I’m still happy

Sorry for sounding sappy

But I can sing a song

It’s been too damn long

Now I feel so strong

It’s been so many years

Since I’ve shed so few tears

Felt less like a loner

From my depression I was sober

I’ve turned a new leaf

I feel more like the real me

It’ll never be too damn long

#poetry #burn out #depression