Late night ramblings

The nights are long the days bleed together, in search of constant distraction to alleviate the emotional turmoil that is within my mind. But the body can only stay awake for so long before my eyes give into the sandpaper feeling of sleepiness, and the nightmares begin to wreak havoc on any possible restful sleep that I may have hoped for. So going to sleep super late and tossing and turning till way too early in the morning never getting enough sleep, I grow agitated and irritable with a short fuse and no tolerance. The isolating thoughts of who would even want to be near me? Cause God knows if I could escape me I would. So I hide myself away in the safety of my room playing on my computer talking to my friends online, where when I feel tired of pretending to be okay or the distractions aren't working anymore I can just hang up the call and take a nap with hopes of not dreaming, or turn on a movie so I can have some time to just not think. This is the side of me I try desperately to hide from everyone cause who when not even me wants to near me.

this is just some rambling at 1:14am I am medicated for mood disorders and am aware that things are not okay I do have an appointment on Tuesday and so I am getting help just feeling and expressing if you have nothing supportive to say please just don't say anything at all. Thank you to whoever reads this and is supportive and thanks to anyone who realized they had nothing nice to say and said nothing at all I hope you the best.

P.S. I'm not suicidal just .... Tired.