August 31st

Two years ago,

This was the happiest I had ever been.

Your voice on the other end of the phone, promising me we would try.

That I was worth trying for.

We could have conquered Everest that day, the smiles never once leaving our faces.

How lucky I was to be so in love with my best friend, and to be loved so fully it felt like my heart had never once felt anything other than pure unbridled joy.

One year ago,

I woke up in tears, accompanied by shallow breaths and the overwhelming feeling that I was drowning. It would only be three days until I saw you, and it would be the first time since we broke up. I had no idea it’d be the last for a full calendar year. My heart broke for you every day. I was impulsive, scared, and without my best friend for the first time in what felt like forever.

Today, I don’t know.

We once again, got off the phone, you were adamant that this was the last time we would do this. While I grasped at straws hoping to whatever cosmic entity governs us all, that you were wrong. It would have been our two year anniversary today. We’ve spent two years falling in love and fighting off fears. I guess we just didn’t try hard enough. I don’t know if there’s blame to lay, I don’t know what I could have done to be better for you, I don’t know what you could have done to ease the fear gnawing on your mind. All I do know, is August 31st hurts. In all the best ways.

Maybe one day, it won’t.

Maybe one day I’ll be worth trying for again.

Maybe once I board that plane or get another impulsive tattoo I’ll be too far gone for you to care.

Two year from now, I hope you’re doing well, and that you’ll maybe be thinking of me.