Curse of Life

I regret making them. Maybe that's a bad thing to say, and they'll see me as "bad", but at least they'll have a reason to hate me. I mean, I thought of everything. I had made them a garden to live in peacefully. I had crafted them in my image. I had done everything I could think of to make them happy! Now, I regret when they come back to me. So full of questions. So accusatory. That last one though... It was a school shooting. Every single one that came for Judgment, asked me where I was. Where was I? My hands are bleeding from how I was biting my nails. My eyes are still puffy from crying. I couldn't do anything. I blocked that after the flood. I just couldn't know I murdered my creations anymore, no matter how pissed I was with them.

I woke to the moans of purgatory. They blame me for their underachieving. Every morning, I awake to pleas to pass tests, apologies from cheating husbands, and being cursed for some people's existence. Occasionally, though the madness, I can hear true needs. A mother pleading for her baby to beat cancer. A husband hoping his husband can beat drug addiction. A child in a quiet room asking for protection from the monsters outside. A once lost soul praying for other lost souls to find me like they did. I help them as best I can before the bad come sback and reminds me that I am a worthless Creator and that I abandoned them as if I don't watch on eggshells and remind myself that every person on earth is strong enough to handle their own. They don't believe it though, and I get blamed.

The words hurt... and sometimes I just want to end it. but when I was at my lowest, so were my humans. Genocide reigned because they got too inflateed in the head and some turned on others. Crusades were waged because they thought I wasn't listening. People were enslaved in my name because they found more land. Disease ravaged populations because I couldn't protect all of them in my mindset. I barely fixed it, and tried to make my people, but as time went on, it seemed like if I didn't take care of them, my humans would fail. They don't believe in themselves. They don't believe in each other. They don't realize that they are strong enough to change the world and control the destiny of the population. I mean, I didn't fix things after all of the times I gave up. I helped, but before I could snap my fingers and change everything, they rose up. They fought and keep fighting.

I guess the thing is, I know now I can't leave, and I'm getting used to the fact that no matter what happens, I will be blamed. But, I have to get used to realizing that my people just don't know how capable they are. So, maybe I'm not a bad Creator... I mean, I did the best thing any Creator would do. I made my creations not need me... But why do I still feel so terrible?