I don’t know how to fight it

I learned how to protect myself at a very young age. I learned how to shut everyone out and not to depend on anyone but myself. I learned that even the people who are supposed to love you and not hurt you in the end always do. I learned how to ignore my emotions and push through all the shit. I had to become okay with being alone and dealing with my problems on my own. I was always okay with being alone because I knew that it was safe. But for the first time in my life I don’t want to be alone and I’m fighting a part of myself that I have never fought before. I’m fighting the part of myself that I developed to keep myself safe. I don’t know how to fight the instinct that has always been right in the end. I don’t know how to fight this part of me that is screaming “retreat get back inside the walls close the doors”