“HOHO-”....“fuck off red dude”-Tootsie’s Tales #1

“Fresh mint.... cinnamon....chocolate(if ya dare!)..... mustard(i know right!)...blueberry....roach..sorry, sorry meant rice(;>)...and....oh wait! There you are ,been waiting for you all day Tootsie. Come on now, get a crackin’, don’t have all day till Christmas. Those snobby ass “Christman elves” might come in here any moment demandin’ their gingerbreads. Ridin’ their high horses..sorry reindeers with that weird red dude.Stridin’ in here like they own this goddamn place!”

I honestly thought Truffle was way too bad-mouthed for an elf, but what can an elf do when the most difficult decision he has had to make is decide between shiny sprinkles and colourful sprinkles for the little elfies.*Sigh*

With his (forced)Santa hat, Truffle looked miserable for a cookie elf. But sadly, tradition(and those so called”snobby ass” Christman elves) demand that each and every elf , here in Elfwhere, wear Christmas apparel on the days nearing the festival.

Sighing ,I picked up my butter knife ready to start layering on yet another christmas pudding. God I think I will throw up if I see one more of that atrocity. Truffle, in the meantime, has done nothing but cuss incessantly, dishing out Christmas pudding and insults.

My mind was just about to burst when in walked Bootleg.“Booty!!!”, I shrieked, knowing full well the effect it would have on my pal. Bootleg stopped in his tracks, the cordwainer tools hanging in his belt stopped clinking and jingling. He glared at me with such intensity ,I feared he might take of one of his elaborate pointy boots and throw it right at me.

Bootleg, believe it or not, is a shoe-elf. One o’ the lucky ones, I call him. Oh how much I would prefer polishing leather ,than buttering up some stupid muffin(keep your mind on the topic perverts). Sadly, Bootleg didn’t share my views. Accordin’ to him, elves are better off bakin’ cookies and pies, rather than bargainin’ with the local shopkeeper about cheap shoe polish!

Coming back to the situation afoot, thankfully Bootleg decided to let it roll and satisifed himself with a light poke on my back with a brass nail.

“So ,how’s life treatin’ ya?”, I inquired, frosting literally everywhere.

“Well, ya know, frostin’s still lookin’ golden compared to-”,he began.

″-cheap shoe polish, yeah yeah, we know!”,I finished for him.

He gave a waning smile in return. I returned the biggest grin I could offer, chocolate stuck to my teeth.

What? Can’t a cookie elf enjoy his own creations?

And that’s as far as we got into our conversation before the trumpets began. My smile faded away into a grunt and Bootleg’s waning one ,into a scowl. Truffle’s cussing played along beautifully with the trumpets.Time to get crackin’ now. “Snobby ass ” Christmas elves are on the loose.

11/21/18

Author’s Note- I am really sorry if I offended someone’s views about Santa. I love the weird red dude!!!!!