Lost In Between

I sigh as I walk home from school, listening to the slight crunch of the fallen autumn leaves from underneath my plaid boots as silently take in my surroundings. The usual green leafed trees are now dark yellow and orange, dancing with the strong winds blowing through my hair and clothing. I take a deep breath, relishing in the view of the nice cloudy day before it’s ruined by the storm clouds which await me at my house.

I stare at the large pond, smiling as I watch the deer take slight drinks and accompanying one another. I walk into my neighborhood, passing by multiple familiar houses before finally reaching the one slightly unkempt. I walk up the driveway to the door and open it, taking in the view. The clean warm air of the outside shifts into the polluted air of inside my house. The house is a fair size, previously slightly too small for my large family, but now too big for me and my dad.

I pick up the scattered bottles of alcohol and toss them in the recycling as I walk into my room. I sigh again as I turn the lamp on and sit on the mattress on the floor representing my bed. I take my work out of my school bag and start on it, focusing on each and every question, and checking over to make sure it’s right. My work is disrupted by the loud slam of the front door, followed by many bibulous steps. I close my book and set it aside as the door swings open, revealing my drunken dad standing smolderingly at the entrance of my room. I look up at him, embracing myself for the harsh words which await to spill out of his mouth.

“Talon!” He yells, his voice resembling the blow of an elephant. “You useless child!” My dad takes three long strides at me and smacks me across the face, followed by him picking me up and slamming me against the wall. Air escapes from my lungs from the impact of my back against the wall. I stare at his intense eyes as he breathes in my face, his breath laced with alcohol. “You got here an hour ago! Why is the laundry still not done and the kitchen isn’t swept! You barely had any responsibilities and yet you were unable to accomplish them!” He throws me back down and I watch him knock some stuff to the ground. “I swear, you should’ve died with your mother, left with the rest of them!” He then reaches into his pockets, cursing when he pulls out an empty box of cigarettes. “Shit. I’ll be back, and when I come back I want the house and this room to be spotless!” He yells as he walks out, slamming the door behind him. The slam is followed by one similar a few seconds later, indicating he left the house.

I force myself up and pick up the stuff he threw on the floor, then walk out my room to do the laundry and clean the kitchen. My dad wasn’t always like this. Before the incident with my mom and my siblings, our family was just like any other family. We would have our dinners together where we talked about our day, clean together, watched movies together, and socialize with all of our neighbors. Now it’s like my dad’s broken. He’s barely home, and whenever he is, he’s either drunk or high. At first I thought it was just a phase, but it’s been ten years and he hasn’t changed. I tried calling help for him, but he played it off like he was fine and proceeded to force feed me a bottle of hot sauce.

That’s why now I study hard to get into a great college far away from Georgia. In the beginning, I thought it’d be best to stay with my dad and help him out, but it’s clear that I’m no longer his daughter, but free labor. The problem is my dad doesn’t like me studying. He prefers to have me here cleaning his dirty bottles and dishes. If it wasn’t for our neighbors link to the government, I probably wouldn’t be able to go to school. I love my dad, but in order to save myself and my future, it seems the only thing I can do is run. I can’t take his constant beating forever.

I pick up the rest of the bottles from around the house before going back to my room to finish study. I have nobody to call nor talk to. My dad refused any form of therapy, and denied any help family was willing to give. We eventually grew apart from everyone. My dad made sure we were isolated. I haven’t heard anything from any family member in eight years, so I’m guessing my dad telling them off did the trick.

It’s come to the point where I’m sort of numb. I’m numb to all the screaming and beatings. I’m numb to the scars that are placed on my skin with every tantrum, every fight, disappointment, disagreement. I know not to buy short sleeves or make friends, what’s the use if there’s no one in the end? I’m going to have to leave them anyways, and I can’t constantly put up a face.

I walk out my room to make something to eat, my stomach pleading for attention. Opening the refrigerator and pantry, I’m greeted by nothing but cans of beer, ramen noodles, and a few stray bottles of water. I smile, it’s more than there was last time, there’s ramen noodles. My heart warms at the fact that my dad might’ve thought about me. I pull the box out of the pantry only to have my heart crushed by the empty wrappers which reside in it. I should’ve known not to get my hopes up to eating anything while in this house.

Walking out of the kitchen, I put my coat on as I walk into the chill autumn night. I follow the trail leading out of my neighborhood and into the shops as I dig through my pockets, searching for the few loose coins I found yesterday. I’m glad I saw it shining in the grass before anyone else. It did take a while to save up to $1.50, but I’m pretty sure I should have enough to buy something somewhere.

I stand in the middle of the shopping center and look around, wondering which shop would give me the greatest deals. As I settle on a shop and walk towards it, I stagger after feeling a sharp pierce on the side of my arm, and am brought to a stop by an arm on the other side of me. My heartbeat quickens as I try to walk away, but my legs no longer have any feeling as I go limp onto whoever is holding me.

I panic as the world slowly fades away into dark abyss.