a year ago i was complete.

i see her when i first walk in. the room has filled with smoke from her god awful cigarette. the light is reflecting off of her blue eyes like a sign from god. or maybe she is god. that's the thing about women like this in a place like this on a night like this. but i know that this girl does not see all of these eyes that are glued to her and it's not because she's oblivious and soft. it's because she simply doesn't care. and it drives everyone crazy, because a girl like that should care about the opinions of every meaningless person in this cramped up bar that i shouldn't have even come to. a man comes up to her and says something. i don't know what it was. i was out of earshot. she half-smiles and lights another cigarette. he leaves with a frown on her face. my heart beats as i walk over to her. my palms are sweaty and the makeup i spent an hour on feels like it's melting, but that's just a side effect of every insecurity that i have. she looks at me and when she does it sets me on fire. i have gone into the lion's den. i am touching the center of the sun and my god, it feels so fucking good. she says something. i don't know what it is. my mind is far from here. i'm lost in her smoke and her eyes and the music that is vibrating my ribcage. all i know is, i belong here with her. i have found comfort among the flames. kissing her is now my life's work. i don't even realize what i'm doing until i taste her cigarettes in her mouth. it's fucking disgusting, but it's my new muse.