i will forgive you for all of the rights you did wrong.
the tub filled without hesitancy and i sat in the warm water that was filled with rose petals and honey, waiting for you to come home. i wanted to surprise you with this small act of kindness. i fantasized about you sitting in front of me, your back facing my body, my hands working the knots out of your muscles as you told me about your day and i told you about mine. i had lost a patient that day. her name was marie. she was 17 and had dreams of juliard; she played piano and loved to paint my nails. i wanted to tell you the things i could never tell her; that she would never make it to 18 or ever go to prom, that she shouldn't get herself into a relationship because burdening someone with a death is the most cruel thing you can do. i sat in the water, speaking to the walls as if they were you, looking at them with the same soft eyes only you get to see. i spoke as if they were my last words. the water turned cold before you could make it home, but i stayed until my lips were blue and my fingers felt like raisins. when you did come home, i smelled like strawberry wine and had tear streaked cheeks because i wasn’t able to help you that night. i wasn't able to be there for you and listen to what you had to say about how unhappy you were. you didn't get to hear about the girl that would never get to follow her dreams. and i will never tell you. you will never hear about how unhappy i am at my job and how badly i want to quit, because i will always calm you before myself. i will wipe your tears before i wipe mine. i will take care of you always. i will talk to the walls so i can honestly say that im fine, that you've done nothing wrong. i will say that i understand that you are too busy and i'm too dramatic. i will apologize for behaving this way and i will forgive you for all of the rights you did wrong.