Reasoning

** These are my two inner monologues on days that just aren't for me.

Waking up, I open my eyes. Yesterday was the worst day, and the last couple weeks have been just as bad. No motivation, no accomplishment, just me watching my life spin out of control. There's nothing for me out there. I'm a failure. I just want to stay here and the world will go on just fine without me.

Maybe if I get up and live my life like I'm fine, everything will just go away. Almost everyone wears a mask anyway. Fake it till you make it, right?

Funny joke, of course I won't make it. I've been wearing this mask for too long, keeping it in. At first it seemed to work, but now its tearing apart, and chaos and pain are about to be set free.

You're stupid, everyone has their problems. Don't be a baby, and get your butt out of bed. You're lazy and ungrateful. You could be doing things with your life, not just laying here.

I know that. But at the same time I can't help the way I feel. If I get up, I won't be able to accomplish anything anway. Don't be so harsh on yourself, gosh.

The world spins so fast everyday, and there's no stopping. Life is like a marathon where everyone is a racer with a mask, hiding their weaknesses. You are allowed to slow down, take a breath, and take your mask off, but you must keep moving. Today may not be your day, and tomorrow may not be either, but one day, things will change, and you will sprint. It's time to get up, and try your best. You can take it slow today, but just lying here won't do anyone any good.

With that said, I drag my heavy body out of bed and start the day. Knowing that it's not my day, but also not time to give up.