A Diary of Colors

my second grade teacher liked to ask us, “How do you feel today, on a scale of one to ten?” ten always meant i’m super, thank you. and one was always “not today, mrs. burns, not today.”

but i never liked numbers, they always twist and rebel against my mind. so i chose to speak in colors instead.

january 3rd - i am the color of chocolate chip ice cream but i’ve eaten all the chocolate chips. i am calm.

february 7th - i am a bruise of blue and violets today. i think it would be best if i sat by the window. these are unhappy colors.

april 11th - i am turquoise, i am magenta, i am every color in the rainbow.

april 13th - i am gray, i am silent.

may 1st - i am orange, the color of melting creamsicles on a beach in July.

june 12th - i am as yellow as the school bus that will bring me home to summer. i am free.

fourteen years later, i still use colors. the winter makes me feel cobalt blue, the ocean turns me sea foam green. violets and purples leave me uneasy and scarlet is a fever of fury. some nights i drown in shades of navy, denim, and cornflower but other nights i mediate in forests of harlequin and shamrock.

but you,

you leave me a blinding white followed by a soft yellow:

the color of sunlight after a period of darkness.