It’s been a while
It's been a while since I've written to you...
This place has changed since the
last time we actually had a conversation.
This space has bent and distorted,
twisting me into a man that I'm not
all that proud to be.
I still think about you everyday though.
Do you remember the boat people and train people analogy
that our professor mentioned in class?
Do you remember how ready you were to label
yourself as a boat person, drifting wherever the tide takes you?
Do you remember how conflicted I was,
coming to the conclusion that I was neither a
relaxed boat person or an overly strict train person?
Detatched from reality.
You see, I've been thinking back
to things you used to say;
things along the lines of:
We'll just see what happens, Kev.
You see, there are three tenses of life
that can only be described as
the past, present, and future.
You see, some people, like yourself,
tend to gravitate towards living in the present,
sometimes coming off as ignorant to the past or future.
I'm just saying that's how it can seem.
Feel free to prove me wrong.
I've thought long and hard about how I think.
Most of the time, I'd like to think that I'm
rooted in the tenses of time, balancing out
past, present, and future; however I'm sure
that I have a tendency to dwell on the past.
What stands out to me, though, is that
there are times when I'm outside of the tenses.
There are times when I can feel the tenses of time,
of reality, slip away from me
in much the same way water flows.
There are times when the space in front of me stretches,
detaching the soul from the body.
This separation of soul and body scares the shit out of me.
The soul, our being, is the signified,
and the outward shell of our bodies are the signifiers.
I don't know where I was going with all that,
but I wanted to tell you.
We haven't talked in a while.
I've been trying to forget about you,
but honestly your presence just throws me off.
I'm sorry if I'm ever cold or distant to you.
I'll always be here for you.
If for some reason you made it this far into my words,
I love you, and I haven't forgotten about you.
I Hope You're Happy by Blue October