Depression

A constant headache and an incessant drag, depression is the heaviest drug there is. Every morning and every night, sunny skies or rainfall, depression is your best and only friend. Forget hope, forget fun, forget desires, and be stuck in a deep haze of mediocrity and blandness. Depression is not only a state of being sad, it is a disease that conquers the ability to feel emotion, whether good or bad, whatsoever. It not only involves the mind, but it also involves the body and thoughts. Depression creeps up on you and before you know it, life is suddenly not as beautiful and exciting as you hoped it would be.

Depression feels like you are sinking down deeply into yourself, repressed from the world around you. Just as a rock thrown into a murky lake sinks slowly and recedes from sight, your spirit and body soon are emerged in a melancholy of despair. Depression is often characterised as a “disorder” and an inability to concentrate or feel. When happiness’ short relief ends, depression’s long and luring cloud takes over and absorbs you. The roots of depression can be caused by rejection, fear, loneliness, and failure. For instance, everything that I thought I once thought has turned grey. All this potential has seemed to fade away. All sensations have turned numb. Maybe I am just being dumb,but it is all the same. Being in love and having the most supportive and beautiful girlfriend in the world still can not stop my mind from zoning out and being absorbed in a dream of nothingness. At eighteen years I have obtained everything I had hoped and dreamed of. I have a girlfriend, a steady income, in a rock band, amazing friends and family, but there is still something wrong. I am more depressed and withdrawn from life than i have ever been. It is strange how someone so happy and ambitious has turned into a blob of a human being. The feelings of worthlessness, anger and sadness are all that run through my mind and body. All though playing the guitar and making music gives me a short release from the depression, no cure has been found yet for me. Maybe if I try and see the glass as half full and not as half empty I will be cured, but that is easier said than done. It is in my bones and in my blood to have a lack of interest in the world around me.

Love,boredom, excitement and happiness are all meaningless and miniscule terms that cannot manifest into actual feelings and emotions due to the heavy and powerful effects of depression. Depression is the only thing I feel and the only way of life I know. I do not feel like a strong and powerful human being, but instead I feel like the sinking rock falling into the abyss of the murky , grey depression.