I Didn’t

The day you transferred in from Oklahoma seemed like a dream. Tall, blue eyed, dirty blonde curls- cool drink of water walked in and my heart dropped.

I should have looked away.

I told myself I was totally in your league.

I should have told myself no.

You had a southern drawl that made me speechless. Talking to you felt like I was on the smoothest plane ride 30,000 feet sbove ground.

I wish I was deaf.

I felt myself slip deeper into your warm personality.

Boy, was I crazy for you.

Meeting you at night in the cemetery to sneak a kiss or two. The magnetic pull between us was almost unbearable. One night turned into two. Three. Four. Until I was seeing you every night, same time, same place, same incredible and powerful feeling as the night before.

I should have stayed home.

We walked a thin rope sneaking looks in the hall and small touches whenever possible. The electricity I felt with you was almost like eels were swimming in my veins.

The first night we crossed a line and explored each other’s bodies was like an ocean flooding around us. Feelings came in waves, it started with lust, followed by wonder, fear, happiness, want, impulse, thrill, passion, and guilt. You were dating my friend but you were supposed to be in love with me.

I wanted nothing more than to scream in the halls that I was in love with you.

I should have stayed home that night.

We met up more and more crossing the line and playing with fire. Until senior year.

I was leaving for the military. You wanted easy and military life isn’t easy by any means.

****455 days later were at the same wedding****

The look on your face broke my heart.

The feeling in my chest was suffocating. My thoughts were constricting.

I was leaving in 6 months. I couldn’t be left twice.

We talked.

I should have walked away.

We laughed.

Run.

We smiled.

Leave.

We used those 6 months to work out our reservations.

I left March 22nd.

I said see you later 6 days prior.

We were going to get married in 8 months when I got back. The love of my life was going to follow me around the world wherever the military put me. I was living the dream.

I should have ran when I had the chance.

32 days went by and on my 3rd phone call out of 4 in basic training I found out you were having a baby with some one else.

I didn’t get a letter.

A text.

An explanation.

I should have screamed.

I sat in silence with the world around me chatting to their families -happy- making plans for graduation.

My world just crumbled and no one knew.

I should have seen it coming.

I didn’t.