I’ve never felt so lost.

No one ever tells you that after divorce you feel like a part of you was taken — stolen.

No one mentions that even though you feel freedom you also feel grief.

No one tells you about the rage you feel when they get a new girlfriend after 2 months.

No one bothers to give you a heads up about dating. How difficult it is.

But I found you.

I found the excitement in your eyes.

I found the fire again.

I found the adventure in finding out facts about you.

I loved the feeling of you and I laying together.

I fell in love with the idea of you and I building a future.

I fell in love with you at your encouragement.

I never told you.

But I did.

I fell for you.

But you didn’t fall for me.

Write a 15 word story.

You came to mind. Slipping in like the serpent you are. What came to mind? Cheating. Pregnancy. Betrayal.

As I sit in a room of 104 people- 100 of us on the phone with loved ones- I got the news that you, my dear fiancé, were having a baby with someone that was not me.

Tragic.

I was in basic training to join the worlds greatest Air Force and you were off slumming it with some despicable, conniving, evil human being. Not even human being more like satanic entity.

You two deserve each other. And whatever karma has in store for you.

Dearest Jacob Go fuck yourself.

Sincerely,

Ex-fiancé, Airman, Married - Mrs. Holland.

The day you transferred in from Oklahoma seemed like a dream. Tall, blue eyed, dirty blonde curls- cool drink of water walked in and my heart dropped.

I should have looked away.

I told myself I was totally in your league.

I should have told myself no.

You had a southern drawl that made me speechless. Talking to you felt like I was on the smoothest plane ride 30,000 feet sbove ground.

I wish I was deaf.

I felt myself slip deeper into your warm personality.

Boy, was I crazy for you.

Meeting you at night in the cemetery to sneak a kiss or two. The magnetic pull between us was almost unbearable. One night turned into two. Three. Four. Until I was seeing you every night, same time, same place, same incredible and powerful feeling as the night before.

I should have stayed home.

We walked a thin rope sneaking looks in the hall and small touches whenever possible. The electricity I felt with you was almost like eels were swimming in my veins.

The first night we crossed a line and explored each other’s bodies was like an ocean flooding around us. Feelings came in waves, it started with lust, followed by wonder, fear, happiness, want, impulse, thrill, passion, and guilt. You were dating my friend but you were supposed to be in love with me.

I wanted nothing more than to scream in the halls that I was in love with you.

I should have stayed home that night.

We met up more and more crossing the line and playing with fire. Until senior year.

I was leaving for the military. You wanted easy and military life isn’t easy by any means.

****455 days later were at the same wedding****

The look on your face broke my heart.

The feeling in my chest was suffocating. My thoughts were constricting.

I was leaving in 6 months. I couldn’t be left twice.

We talked.

I should have walked away.

We laughed.

Run.

We smiled.

Leave.

We used those 6 months to work out our reservations.

I left March 22nd.

I said see you later 6 days prior.

We were going to get married in 8 months when I got back. The love of my life was going to follow me around the world wherever the military put me. I was living the dream.

I should have ran when I had the chance.

32 days went by and on my 3rd phone call out of 4 in basic training I found out you were having a baby with some one else.

I didn’t get a letter.

A text.

An explanation.

I should have screamed.

I sat in silence with the world around me chatting to their families -happy- making plans for graduation.

My world just crumbled and no one knew.

I should have seen it coming.

I didn’t.

Hey I’m back. Today was worse than usual. I swear he’s really really sweet. He bought me a promise ring that is super beautiful. We have been together all of seventh grade. And now we’re either graders together! We even have 2 classes together isn’t that great?!

Well I scored better on a test in science today and he slammed me against the lockers by my throat.. I’m okay but I don’t know how to explain the marks..

My friend stepped in before it got too bad this time.

If I hadn’t done better he would have been fine. I shouldn’t make him feel stupid. It’s my fault. So I apologized.

I love you BC

Only I didn’t really love you. I was obedient. And a sad depressed lonely middle schooler. You didn’t deserve 2 years. You deserve to be alone forever.

Haunted empty house

One place setting

Leave request denied

I miss home

Don’t cry mom

America is safe

Your hometown hero

#life #military #truth #lonely

The way you laugh makes me smile.

But the way you mistreat me makes me sick.

You act so perfect and charming.

But sadly it’s an act.

You.

You are ruthless and cruel.

Your words burn into my brain.

Name calling.

Cunt

Bitch

Stupid

Idiot.

You sit around and act like your truths are just that but reality snaps into perspective and really it’s nothing but cold heartless hurtful words.

You are unhappy.

You are toxic.

You are exhausting.

You

Are

Anger.

Make-up makes me pretty,

clothes make me look sleek.

You swirl around inside me

with out you I feel so weak.

School then job, my normal life I go

fantasizing hourly about coming home.

Barely noon and I need another fix,

sweating, panting, and mouth starting to foam.

Needle needle in my arm you know I love you so,

thankfully the rush you bring calms me.

Oh yes! My heart begins to slow.

Wait! needle needle this can’t be!

Help! Call some one! I can’t move.

Only in my mind I beg and scream.

My breathing stops its over now.

Bright white lights - is this a dream?

I hear beeping and chatter,

my eyes hurt and my chest is tight.

Am I alive? Could it be?

But wait! There’s no family in sight.

Needle needle why didn’t you kill me?

Honestly, I deserve to die.

My addiction is my only friend.

Family is no match for feeling high.