I wasn’t till I was.

I said I was lonely when I sat at home,

When I sang with my sisters.

When my brother came with memes.

When my father shared his dad jokes,

and my mother made cakes.

I said I was lonely as I sat in Noosha

writing an essay for an English Literature class,

where the waiter gave me free eclairs.

because I always went there.

I said I was lonely,

When I broke up with my boyfriend.

Who held on to me, loosing his state of mind.

When all I had left was a white teddy, a shirt , a ring,

and the messages he left for me.

I said I was lonely when I remembered,

my next door neighbor when i lived in Chicago.

Before i moved to the other side of the world.

We played everyday religiously.

Catching fireflies and dancing beneath the street lights

In roller blades and shiny nail polish.

I said I was lonely when my hair became short.

When my applications were filled and sent.

When the flight was purchased and goodbyes were said.

I said I wasn't lonely when I stepped on new territory.

I wasn't lonely when i met my online lover.

Or carried a new life style.

When I said I was lonely, I wasn't.

But my family grew further and I did too.

Phone calls decreased, memes lessened,

messages stopped coming and words weren't shared.

I said I was lonely with them.

But I am lonely with out them

and it is my fault.

She always wanted more people around her,

She felt her family was permanent

so she spent her life chasing strangers

and distancing her family

I wasn't till I was , I wish I hadn't but I had and now I really am alone.

#poetry #loneliness #personal #family #love #karmaabitch #writtingcommunity #poetrycommunity #firstpost #Iwasnttilliwas