Challenge

My eyes follow the lines of his face. If only my fingers could follow that trace... I can almost feel the warmth of his skin, smell his cologne...

“Andy!” The sharp tone of my boss makes me jump.

“Sorry, I was thinking. You were saying?”

“We’re voting.”

“Oh, right. I’m with you,” I say and let my mind slip away again. I think of a man. A man who hates himself so much, even though it’s not his fault. It’s his father’s legacy he has to carry.

I’d love to see a smile on his face. And I want to be the one to put it there. I picture his face. Wrinkles, ornamenting his tired eyes and silky hair with traces of gray. The result of his constant worrying. Thin lips, always in a straight line. Just sometimes, when something amuses him, one side goes up, which usually makes my heart skip a beat. I live for those moments.

For a moment, his eyes stop following the events at the table and they land on me. I turn red, but I keep looking. I smile. His eyes sparkle and he looks away. My smile grows wider. He likes me. I know he does, even though he never told me. Sometimes, when he looks at me, there is light in his eyes, just like now. Another time, he has this look of admiration, as if I was something magical, elusive. Something he desires, but doesn’t think he deserves. I want to make him understand that he does deserve me, but I don’t know how to do that yet. How do I tell a man that he stole my heart? You can’t just say something like this in the middle of a conversation, can you?

The chairs start moving and I realize the meeting is over. And as usual, I have no idea what we agreed on. I sigh. If I keep going on like this, the boss will become suspicious. Maybe he already has. For the last few meetings I’ve been coming to him with questions about “understanding” what my job’s going to be. In reality, I’m trying to find out what exactly I missed while staring at Jonah. I look around. Well, today I missed my chance. The boss is gone.

“Are you coming?” I turn around quickly. Unfortunately, I’m too quick for my body to cooperate and I knock over mine and two other chairs by doing so. I apologize to the few people that noticed my clumsiness (there really weren’t many of them, most people stopped being surprised by my talent to break everything long time ago) and I rush to pick the chairs up. But someone already did it for me and that someone was now piercing me with his brown eyes.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Come on.” I follow him. Of course, I almost immediately trip on a rug and only Jonah’s hands stop me from falling. He was probably expecting it.

“Sorry,” I say, embarrassed. Jonah gives me a half smile and my heart jumps. At the moment, I’m actually glad for my “talent”, for causing such a reaction from him.

Without any other accidents (not counting tripping over threshold...and okay, my own leg) we get outside. I breath in the night air.

“Where to now?” I ask Jonah. He raises his eyebrows.

“We’re staying here,” he says and considerately doesn’t mention that I should already know that.

“Sure... And...”

“And we’ll be guarding the house, Andrea. Jackson thinks we should look out if someone isn’t following us. And you agreed with him.” I turn red again and to mask it, I say the first thing that comes to my mind.

“Don’t call me Andrea!”

“It’s your name.” I wave my hand. I’ve told him a hundred times that I didn’t like to be called by it. He just doesn’t listen.

“So, we’ll just stand here?”

“We’re supposed to be on a lookout. If you want to sit down, you can. I’ll stand.”

“I mean, is it necessary to stand in the middle of the street,” I retort and walk away from the street lamps. I would really like to know why he’s so rude to me lately. One moment he’s nice, everything’s fine and then he starts being surly.

I look back at the sidewalk, but he’s not there anymore. I explore the shadows by the road, but there’s no trace of him. He wouldn’t leave me here alone, would he?

“I’m sorry.” I hear his voice from behind me. This time, I manage to turn around without knocking anything over (nevermind the fact that there’s nothing around).

“What are you sorry for?”

“For being so mean,” he says immediately. It doesn’t surprise me. Jonah is not one to have a problem admitting a mistake. That’s one of the things I like about him.

“You’re forgiven,” I say after a while, my eyes not leaving his.

“Why are you doing this?”

“What?”

“You’re looking at me. At the meetings... Now... Why?” He almost seems agonized, but that’s stupid. Why would he be?

“I think you know,” I say after a consideration. My throat is so dry I have to whisper. He’s so close and yet I feel as if he was a million miles away.

Jonah shakes his head.

“If I knew, I wouldn’t be asking.” There is no doubt now. He really is desperate, even though he’s trying to hide it.

“I like you, Jonah,” I say. Before he has a chance to respond, I kiss him. He’s taller, so I have to tiptoe, but soon, he helps me. He moans and his hand rests on my head, pulling me closer. I put everything in that kiss. All the feelings I’ve been hiding from him.

After a few seconds, as if he realized what he was doing, he pulls away.

“No,” he says. “No, Andrea... I’m not right for you. You deserve someone better, someone younger, someone good.” Good. I understand he’s talking about his gloomy past, the one he had as a child. But that was his father’s doing. Not his.

“I want you.”

“No! I don’t want you!” His lie is so obvious I don’t even bother to stop and think about it.

“You kissed me back. You want me.”

“Andrea, I don’t deserve you,” he fights till his last breath. These words hurt me more than any rejection.

“If anyone deserves love, Jonah, it’s you. One day, you’ll realize that. And I’ll be waiting,” I say and I leave him alone. Even thought our conversation didn’t end as I wanted, I don’t regret anything. I will convince him that we belong together. I’ve waiting for such a long time. I can wait a little longer. I smile at the thought. Yes, I’ll manage. He kissed me back and I know he loves me just as much as I love him.

I sigh when I think of a challange in front of me. This will possibly be the hardest thing ever. I have to convince Jonah Anderson that he deserves love...