It was so close. She could almost feel it. In the air around her, between her fingers. In her blood and bones. The moment she was waiting for, the one she expected for so long... It almost seemed like eternity.

She took a deep breath, controlling the desire to cough after inhaling the black smoke.

"Bol'gor!" she exclaimed.

"My lady?" The demon seemed terrified by his queen's calling.

"Is he ready?"

"Yes, my lady. He is waiting only for your permission now.'

"Good. Send him in. And Bol'gor?"

"Yes?"

"Be a dear and do something about that terrible smell." A stranger would think she was only asking for a favor. But a favor would indicate that the demon had a choice. And he knew very well that this wasn't the case. He had no idea how to get rid of the smoke and smell it brought. After all, they were in Hell. But he knew better than to disobey a direct order. He had to try. His queen didn't tolerate mistakes.

"Our queen's awaiting you," he said and a young man stepped out of shadows.

"Thanks." As he walked by, he whispered: "For the smoke, try using soul holes... Works for me."

The man wasn't supposed to help Bol'gor. No one was supposed to help him, no one was supposed to even talk to him. Bol'gor lived in the shame of his father's deeds. As if being born half human wasn't punishment enough. The man could be punished for helping him. But he did it anyway and he probably saved Bol'gor's life by doing so.

He watched the man disappear through the door and shook his head. He'll never understand humans.

"My lady," the man bowed his head in front of her. It brought a smile to her face. She loved the feeling it gave her. The power, the fear. Yes. She enjoyed being feared.

"Are you prepared to leave?"

"Always, my lady," he answered, still keeping his head down.

"This task is very important. I hope you don't disappoint me." Her smile grew wider. It certainly wasn't the type to warm up your heart. No, it was cold. It declared warning, screamed danger.

"Never."

"Go then. Bring her." The man turned around and left as quickly as he could. He didn't like being in her presence. No one did.

Still with a smile on her face, she flattened the long dress and sat down. Her long nails clawed on the iron throne as they passed through the ornaments. She was restive. She couldn't wait for the man to come back. With her. The one. She's been waiting for far too long.

But she had to be careful. She still remembered how humiliated she felt the last time. She couldn't let that happen again. This time, she would have it under control. Have her under control. The special one. The vessel. His vessel. Lucifer won't be disappointed. Not again. Not ever.

The black smoke surrounding her found its way into her lungs again, making her cough.

"Bol'gor!" Her voice spread all over the place. Everyone immediately knew something was wrong. And everyone heard the following screaming of the poor soul who wasn't fast enough completing the task she gave him...

My eyes follow the lines of his face. If only my fingers could follow that trace... I can almost feel the warmth of his skin, smell his cologne...

“Andy!” The sharp tone of my boss makes me jump.

“Sorry, I was thinking. You were saying?”

“We’re voting.”

“Oh, right. I’m with you,” I say and let my mind slip away again. I think of a man. A man who hates himself so much, even though it’s not his fault. It’s his father’s legacy he has to carry.

I’d love to see a smile on his face. And I want to be the one to put it there. I picture his face. Wrinkles, ornamenting his tired eyes and silky hair with traces of gray. The result of his constant worrying. Thin lips, always in a straight line. Just sometimes, when something amuses him, one side goes up, which usually makes my heart skip a beat. I live for those moments.

For a moment, his eyes stop following the events at the table and they land on me. I turn red, but I keep looking. I smile. His eyes sparkle and he looks away. My smile grows wider. He likes me. I know he does, even though he never told me. Sometimes, when he looks at me, there is light in his eyes, just like now. Another time, he has this look of admiration, as if I was something magical, elusive. Something he desires, but doesn’t think he deserves. I want to make him understand that he does deserve me, but I don’t know how to do that yet. How do I tell a man that he stole my heart? You can’t just say something like this in the middle of a conversation, can you?

The chairs start moving and I realize the meeting is over. And as usual, I have no idea what we agreed on. I sigh. If I keep going on like this, the boss will become suspicious. Maybe he already has. For the last few meetings I’ve been coming to him with questions about “understanding” what my job’s going to be. In reality, I’m trying to find out what exactly I missed while staring at Jonah. I look around. Well, today I missed my chance. The boss is gone.

“Are you coming?” I turn around quickly. Unfortunately, I’m too quick for my body to cooperate and I knock over mine and two other chairs by doing so. I apologize to the few people that noticed my clumsiness (there really weren’t many of them, most people stopped being surprised by my talent to break everything long time ago) and I rush to pick the chairs up. But someone already did it for me and that someone was now piercing me with his brown eyes.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Come on.” I follow him. Of course, I almost immediately trip on a rug and only Jonah’s hands stop me from falling. He was probably expecting it.

“Sorry,” I say, embarrassed. Jonah gives me a half smile and my heart jumps. At the moment, I’m actually glad for my “talent”, for causing such a reaction from him.

Without any other accidents (not counting tripping over threshold...and okay, my own leg) we get outside. I breath in the night air.

“Where to now?” I ask Jonah. He raises his eyebrows.

“We’re staying here,” he says and considerately doesn’t mention that I should already know that.

“Sure... And...”

“And we’ll be guarding the house, Andrea. Jackson thinks we should look out if someone isn’t following us. And you agreed with him.” I turn red again and to mask it, I say the first thing that comes to my mind.

“Don’t call me Andrea!”

“It’s your name.” I wave my hand. I’ve told him a hundred times that I didn’t like to be called by it. He just doesn’t listen.

“So, we’ll just stand here?”

“We’re supposed to be on a lookout. If you want to sit down, you can. I’ll stand.”

“I mean, is it necessary to stand in the middle of the street,” I retort and walk away from the street lamps. I would really like to know why he’s so rude to me lately. One moment he’s nice, everything’s fine and then he starts being surly.

I look back at the sidewalk, but he’s not there anymore. I explore the shadows by the road, but there’s no trace of him. He wouldn’t leave me here alone, would he?

“I’m sorry.” I hear his voice from behind me. This time, I manage to turn around without knocking anything over (nevermind the fact that there’s nothing around).

“What are you sorry for?”

“For being so mean,” he says immediately. It doesn’t surprise me. Jonah is not one to have a problem admitting a mistake. That’s one of the things I like about him.

“You’re forgiven,” I say after a while, my eyes not leaving his.

“Why are you doing this?”

“What?”

“You’re looking at me. At the meetings... Now... Why?” He almost seems agonized, but that’s stupid. Why would he be?

“I think you know,” I say after a consideration. My throat is so dry I have to whisper. He’s so close and yet I feel as if he was a million miles away.

Jonah shakes his head.

“If I knew, I wouldn’t be asking.” There is no doubt now. He really is desperate, even though he’s trying to hide it.

“I like you, Jonah,” I say. Before he has a chance to respond, I kiss him. He’s taller, so I have to tiptoe, but soon, he helps me. He moans and his hand rests on my head, pulling me closer. I put everything in that kiss. All the feelings I’ve been hiding from him.

After a few seconds, as if he realized what he was doing, he pulls away.

“No,” he says. “No, Andrea... I’m not right for you. You deserve someone better, someone younger, someone good.” Good. I understand he’s talking about his gloomy past, the one he had as a child. But that was his father’s doing. Not his.

“I want you.”

“No! I don’t want you!” His lie is so obvious I don’t even bother to stop and think about it.

“You kissed me back. You want me.”

“Andrea, I don’t deserve you,” he fights till his last breath. These words hurt me more than any rejection.

“If anyone deserves love, Jonah, it’s you. One day, you’ll realize that. And I’ll be waiting,” I say and I leave him alone. Even thought our conversation didn’t end as I wanted, I don’t regret anything. I will convince him that we belong together. I’ve waiting for such a long time. I can wait a little longer. I smile at the thought. Yes, I’ll manage. He kissed me back and I know he loves me just as much as I love him.

I sigh when I think of a challange in front of me. This will possibly be the hardest thing ever. I have to convince Jonah Anderson that he deserves love...

"To solve this equation, you're going to need..."

Oh, like anyone cares. Like I'll ever need to use this.

As always, the math lesson lasts about a century. A century of boredom.

I look at the teacher and then out of window. And as I watch the rain drops falling, I slowly let my mind slip away.

I fall... Right there, to my own world, where there's no math or any other boring classes. There, where I am the queen. The goddess, even.

I see my childhood friends, Tarzan and Pinocchio, and I wave. They wave back, but they don't come closer. It's been a while since we've talked. They understand I don't need them anymore.

So, where should I go today? There's Hogwarts nearby. Hagrid would be sure to invite me for tea. Narnia wasn't far either, I haven't seen Alan in ages.

No. Today, I feel a bit more adventurous.

I'm sitting on the black stallion, galloping to the battle. The sword feels heavy in my sweaty hand, but I don't let the fear get the best of me. I'm a warrior, a knight in shining armor. I lift the sword, cutting through the enemies, a battle scream in my throat.

The enemy falls and I'm being praised by my companions. We won!

"Are you coming?" A voice shatters the illusion of victory and I find myself sitting back in the classroom, now half empty. The class ended and I didn't even notice it.

"Sure," I say and follow my friends, still a bit confused after being thrown out of my dream.

It's time to face the real world again. But I can always go back. Isn't daydreaming wonderful?

Every now and then, I want to be alone. I need it. The world can be sometimes overwhelming and being alone can help.

Sitting on my bed, eyes closed, listening to soft music. What a bliss! Just me and my thoughts, the soothing feeling of not having to pretend. Letting my guards down and just being. No need to talk. No need to live up to anybody's expectations.

Oh, how calm that makes me feel! How relaxed!

But people don't see it that way. They think: "Being alone is so depressing!" But they're wrong. Alone doesn't mean lonely.

When you're lonely, you feel abandoned. You don't have anybody around to make you feel better. Lonely is dark. It's a hole you're falling in, desperate and so, so sorrowful.

Alone is different. You can be alone and not feel lonely. Just as you can be lonely when surrounded by people. Alone is a state. Lonely is a feeling.

I'm not lonely.

I love being alone.