I can’t escape my blood

As I seat here, in the floor of my bedroom, shaking from all these parasite thoughts that told me to jump off my balcony, the scary part is that I was actually considering obeying my brain for once. I looked my gaze empty to the pills on my night stand, they were supposed to help, but since I betrayed my morals and started taking them I have only felt worse. The emptiness inside swallows everything and I just have to accept it. My attacks get worse, I shake all day, and there is no escape.

Knowing that everything I’m feeling or not feeling comes from my genes just makes it worse, I didn’t have a choice in this, I’ve never had and I know I never will.