My Hero

My late spouse was my hero. He put up with a lot from me, because he loved me.

I was pregnant again, however, I could never be sure if it was Harvey’s or Steve’s. Harvey said it did not matter. He quit drinking. Just like that he told all his friends, “I’m going to be a father and be responsible for a family. I can’t drink anymore.” He never did drink again like before. Harvey asked if I wanted to keep the baby. We kept him, and Harvey raised him as his own. We will never know who his bio dad is, but we know who his father is. It’s like Earl (Beth’s father-in-law) stated, “Fifty percent of the fathers in this world are just guys who got caught in the trap.” Harvey however chose to be in the trap, because he loved me.

He took me away from all the junk that I was living in. He moved me to Los Angeles California. We lived together for thirty-two years. He worked hard and provided for me and the children we eventually had.

I left him twice and both times he took me back.

It was 1996 and I was not doing well mentally. I had been talking to Gary (my first husband) on the phone and decided to go to Arizona where he lived.

I broke Harveys heart that day. He wrote a letter I never found until after his death. I am reprinting it here.

She’s gone. She will never be back. Gary has always wanted her and now she wants him too. She said there was hope, but I don’t think so. She was just trying not to hurt me. My friend always said, “Never give your heart to a woman.” I couldn’t help it. She has a smile that melts my heart. She told me I was never happy. If she only knew the truth. Living with her made me very happy. I just have trouble showing it. I should have told her how I really felt. I was too selfish and didn’t pay enough attention to her feelings. I should never have left Tennessee. I have failed in life. I have nothing but regrets. I have failed God and my friends. I long to be with her and hold her in my arms, but it is too late. I found a love I never thought could exist. All I know is my heart and soul, my very being loves her. I let my temper and my mouth drive her away. I know she was sad sometimes. She lives with a constant broken heart. She has eight children who are scattered in many directions, along with her heart. I know how she feels because part of my heart is with our child. Her pain must be so much greater. I need to forget that I ever had feelings. I told her to only come back if it would make her happy. She won’t be back. She’s gone for good and I need to learn to live alone.

I did go back, and we made it work. He was a very forgiving man. It’s hard to believe with a heart that big that he was afraid to express his feelings. I have known a lot of men, very few of them were great men. My brothers, and Harvey fall into this category.

I lost Harvey in 2018. He had diabetes and congestive heart failure. The illness finally became too much for him. He passed on Christmas Eve.

He was one in a million, he loved his family and friends and was always there when anyone needed him.

I miss him more than I can fully express. He was my lover, my husband, the father of my children, my protector and yes my hero.

Here's to all the heros out there who raise other peoples children. To the heros who live with pain inflicted by those they love, I say bless you.

If you have a hero in your life let them know before its too late.