The heart is glass, when dropped it shatters.

The day took place in my youth, before my collegiate "education" began. I had a couple of good friends and was in a heavily committed relationship. We had been for...A year or better, but time and memory is happily cleansed of this. I was a full participant in my church's youth establishment and had recently managed to get my friend and cousin involved in this body of work. He never proclaimed a church and many of my community at school did not. I was elated that I could have the influence to get my friends to go, if even under the guise that we were going to do something outside of the church. He had come and partaken in a few things and it appeared as though the interest of my heart was attempting to push ministering or witness to him. Which further made me happy as this could be a building block of familiarity and family! Tremendous is hardly an apt adjective to adequately relay the bigness of the idea, yet it is one I'll stick with.

The night pressed on and it became hard to interrupt them to get them to discuss with me their communications and thoughts, but I figured "What of it? They'll talk to me when they're done. The clock struck done o'clock and it was time to leave and be on our paths back to our natural habitats, etc. I was having a particularly lazy day, and it doesn't take much to bore me, so I assume I was aching for anything to do. A phone rings and his name appears on the ID. He wants me to come see him and talk to him. About what? Heavens know, Hells call. I arrive at his house in a day in which the rain seems to be as frequent as breaths taken and returned. We spoke awkwardly and broken with minimal eye contact. And so I had to get to it, "Why did you want to talk to me?" His response was that he had an interest, in my interest. The world always stops when I'm in these moments and I always know, I knew well in advance but banked on the other person having a sense of morality, personality, loyalty. But the only thing I can take from those words is the -Y, as in why would I have ever believed that?

More awkward lines and a "You can punch me in the face I know it's wrong"..an offer I've refused a few times in this life and sometimes the -Y revives itself. I told him no, but that there was nothing he could do about it as we were together and happy, or so I thought. I left , but I didn't drive as if I was happy. I know a man rarely grows these seeds and nurtures them if there wasn't first someone planting them with ample fertilizer (or bullshit if you need technical English). Yet I drove...thinking "How is this happening, I would be so kind and his idea would be to stab me if even in the front?" So I continued my pace, trying to get wherever I was going...maybe church? I don't know. And as my mind continued to hit the same wall, or crashing if you will, my car became loose at the reigns, with wheel turned but body on a straight course, I don't know how I managed to slow at all. My car became connect with smaller trees to catch it from a further, more hilly fall into certain abyss. I missed the memory marker of a school mate that had met their end at this same stretch some time before.

I crashed on emotion long ago and nearly had the rest of what I am absorbed with it. My fists crash fine with bag and flesh, my body can toss others into their crash with Earth, but my romantic heart is truly hard to revive from the crashes it's been involved in, for what it's worth.