Where are you?

Did you forget how to find me after giving me a chance to finally live? I’ve called you so often I’ve lost track of our encounters, but each time has led to an ominous goodbye - you have always been the dark cloud on my horizon. I’ve been on borrowed time for too long and we both know it, so where are you? Now that I’m ready for you, now that I’m finally finished my work here, now that I’ve truly lived. I’ve felt your cold hand on my shoulder before, hurrying me on before my time. I’ve felt you watching me from the shadowy places in between my stuttered breaths, but you’ve gone now. Where are you now that I want you?