Congratulations.

Finally, he was letting me see into his mind. He described to me that moment when a part of you has been waiting for someone you love to reach out to you. Despite the lack of reasons you’ve had to hold out hope, you hold it tightly anyways. Then your birthday rolls around. And you think, this is it. This is the moment that they will come back into my life, because they were just waiting for an opportunity to reach out to me... And now that opportunity is here. So you keep your phone on you all day, checking it constantly— wanting to see their name pop up as soon as they press send. But that doesn’t happen, because they don’t press send to anything directed at you. You hear nothing from them. And then you know it’s really over. There’s no more optimism left in you to hold out hope... You even start to wonder if anything had ever begun in the first place. Or were you just fooling yourself?

When he told me this, it was on my birthday— and he didn’t know. I was with him in that bar, but he wasn’t with me. Physically yes, but not emotionally. I wasn’t the girl who he wanted to see on his birthday, he was just the boy who I wanted to be with on mine.

I realized then that the feelings I had thought he had for me were not his at all. They had never been his. They were mine... My feelings for him, my feelings that I wish he had for me, and my feelings that I wish I had for myself.

Well yesterday his birthday rolled around, and I didn’t remember. I guess now I know it's really over.