Euthanasia

"You know why you're here, right?"

Lana closed her eyes, as if to block out the officer's intense stare. "You think I killed April Hadley," was her response.

Her old highschool friend was dead and it was all her fault. But they had it wrong. All of it.

Officer Blake leaned back in his chair, giving an appearance of being comfortable, while his partner Officer Johnson stood against the wall of the interrogation room, arms crossed and a heavy frown on his face. It was easy for Lana to see who was playing good and bad cop, although she knew Officer Blake was only pretending to be on her side.

Even still, she wanted to trust him. She wanted to talk to him - needed to talk to him. The past twelve hours had been the worst of her life; she was exhausted, needed food, stunk from a long summer day, and was emotionally raw. Lana wanted her mommy. She was a twenty-two year old woman who hadn't been back home in almost three years, and she wanted her mom.

Officer Blake pushed forward her untouched cup of water while Officer Johnson continued talking. "And did you?"

"I hadn't seen April since highschool - I haven't seen anyone since graduation."

"So what was she doing twenty thousand miles away from her home - in your apartment?"

"I. Don't. Know."

Of course Lana really did, but she knew they wouldn't believe the answer she would give them.

Officer Blake sighed, like she had disappointed him. "We found the pillow, Lana. The one you used to suffocate her with."

Lana's heart lurched - there was no way she was getting out of this now. Except by maybe telling the truth, but April made her promise she wouldn't.

If it wasn't for her nosy neighbor, the police wouldn't have been called, and Lana wouldn't be the prime suspect in a murder investigation. She'd had arrangements for the body to be removed discreetly - no one would have known what had gone on that night. Well, two people would know, but the one had been silenced forever.

Lana gripped the armrest of her cold metal chair, wanting to reach for the offered water but restraining herself because she knew it’d be seen as a sign of weakness. That after four hours of being held in this room, she was ready to talk.

Lana silently cursed April for doing this to her. Lana hadn’t even known why she’d agreed to it; she hadn’t seen her since highschool. Sure, they had been close, but wasn’t three years and twenty thousand miles enough to break any bond they might have had?

It wasn’t like Lana had been running away from something when she’d left so long ago, she’d just wanted a chance to make something of herself.

Officer Johnson smacked a hand on the table in front of her, making her jump. “Don’t you see we’re trying to help you here?”

Officer Blake gave her what Lana could only describe as a beseeching look, before he glanced down at her thin file. “No priors, not even a parking ticket? Cases like this could take months to get to trial - maybe even years. How long do you think you’re gonna last, locked up while you wait?”

I hate you. I hate you, April.

Lana wanted to scream the truth, but she forced herself to bite her lip hard and leaned back in her chair.

With a sigh, Officer Blake stood up. Both the officers left the room without another word, leaving Lana to imagine scenarios involving handcuffs and prison bars.

But almost an hour passed and nothing happened. Lana took in the deepest breath she'd had for a while, but the small measure of calm popped like an overinflated bubble when the door creaked open once again.

It was Officer Blake, for once without his stoic partner, his expression softer than she'd ever seen it.

She told herself it was just another trick, but a small voice deep inside of her hoped foolishly that he had discovered the truth on his own. So Lana wouldn't have to confess and break the promise of a dying woman.

His mouth opened and Lana tensed.

But all he said was, “She was sick, wasn’t she?”

Lana refused to say anything, because she knew the moment her mouth opened the truth would come spilling out.

But Officer Blake wasn’t finished. “Stage four cancer, nasty stuff. She only had, what, six months to live?”

“Four,” Lana found herself saying.

“Must have been a complete change in her life, right? Because of how active she was. You followed her on Instagram, so surely you saw all those half-marathons she often ran."

Lana squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block memories of all those posts that held April's smiling face. She'd always been so full of life - even back in highschool, she'd never succumbed to the depression and melodrama that seemed to infect their school.

"Must have been one of the biggest shocks of her life, huh, knowing she couldn't do anything she used to do anymore. She was practically bedridden, right? Could've caused even the best people to snap."

"Please stop," Lana whispered.

"She canceled all her credit cards," he continued, almost like he hadn't even heard her, "paid off all her debit, gave her dog to her parents, even put her home up for sale." He paused. "Almost like she knew she was going to die a lot quicker than what the doctors had said."

"Stop," Lana said louder.

"But what really had me confused was, why you? She hadn't seen you in person for over three years and it wasn't like you guys kept in touch all the time." He finally sat down in the seat across from Lana. "But you owed her, didn't you? Saved you from committing suicide, almost five years ago, and you'd been in her debt ever since." He grimaced. "Terrible thing to do to a person; save their life so they could take yours." He finally looked her in the eye. "And yet you still did it."

"No," Lana tried to protest. "No, I-"

But he wasn't done. "The pillow we found didn't match any in your apartment. But it did match ones we found in hers." He'd laid down on the pieces, now it was time to fit them together. "She came to your apartment - with the pillow she'd brought from home - and asked you to kill her. A mercy killing, no doubt, but still something that would make even the most hardest criminal stumble. Did you agree right away? Or did she have to convince you - maybe even remind you of what she had done for you? I suppose it doesn't really matter, you still killed her in the end. I wonder how it would have been, if the neighbor hadn't heard noise and called it in. Would you have kept on living your life like nothing had happened?" His stare was intense. "Do you even feel remorse for what you did? Or were you simply grant-"

"Does it matter?" were the words that scrapped out of Lana's dry mouth. "She's dead and it's my fault."

Officer Blake stood up, feeling a measure of disgust at Lana's lack of emotion. "She is, isn't she," was all he said. He walked out of the room then, and it was only as the door was shutting that he heard the sounds of sobs, coming out of the interrogation room. Officer Blake just shook his head, as he walked down the hallway that had never seemed so bleak and forlorn before.

Sometimes he wished he had never pinned his badge on.